As part of the Big Move, I had to leave my day job because I thought 1,500 miles was probably a bit long for a commute. I left in March and have been unemployed ever since. I decided to give myself until May to start hunting for a new day job, and now that it's June, I thought I'd actually get going on the application process.
The last time I applied for jobs was back in 2004, so it's been a while. Things are different now. Lots of online applications which include lots online surveys or questionnaires concerning various retail scenarios and other things I don't think actually apply to my ability to precision fold jeans and tee shirts.
But as I need one of them to give me a job, I had to take these things seriously-ish. Here, though, on My Pet Blog, I have to do no such thing. So here now, for your reading pleasure, is a collection (some slightly paraphrased) of my favorite questions from these questionnaires and the responses I would have liked to have given. And maybe actually did give (sometimes I just can't help myself).
1. Why do you want to work for this company?
You have job openings and air conditioning.
2. Do you read fashion magazines?
I may glance at the cover of Cosmo once in a while when both it and I are in line at the grocery store. Does that count?
3. Why are you interested in working for the fashion industry?
Again, you have job openings and air conditioning.
4. Have you ever been in trouble at school for your behavior?
Yes. Once in Kindergarten my teacher told me I couldn't use the slide for the rest of the day because my daredevil approach to going down the slide made her nervous.
5. How often do you get high after work?
Never. I do that before work. Otherwise, I wouldn't show up.
6. Do you suffer from road rage?
I wouldn't say I suffered from it...I mean...no.
7. Do you often use profanity?
What the f#@k are you taking about? I mean...no.
8. Do you have any special skills?
Making Management cry, composing sarcastic, work-related haiku, and eating my weight in chocolate cake in a single sitting.
9. Say you're folding a stack of tee shirts and a customer walks in. WHAT DO YOU DO?
I greet the customer in order to judge whether he'll make a good subject for a haiku, of course.
10. Say a customer is rude. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Tweet the conversation on my lunch break.
11. What are your career objectives?
To write and sell enough books that I can afford to quit this job.
12. What didn't you like about your last job?
Shall I refer you to my Twitter feed? Actually, I probably shouldn't. Never mind.
I'm sure this comes as a surprise, but I'm having a difficult time taking all of this seriously, which bodes well for the upcoming face-to-face interviews. I suspect that I may be unemployed for a good long while. I knew I should have been one of those bestselling authors.
So tell me...What's the weirdest question you've ever been asked when applying for a job?
Thank you all for stopping by—Have a great weekend!