Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Above And Beyond
I went to The Store yesterday (which is always my first mistake, I know) but I really needed to check my schedule for next week. I used to be able to call in and have someone tell me my schedule but some of the associates were using that tactic to miss shifts and use the "Well, so and so didn't tell me I had to be there" excuse so now all of us have to make the trek in. As it was, the Store Manager (SM from here on out) hadn't posted it yet so I'm still in the dark about next week and have to make yet another trip to The Store on another day off.
But here's what I did get out of my visit:
Confusion and bemusement.
Wanna know why?
Well, let me back up a bit first. I've made it absolutely no secret that I can't stand my job and if you've read this blog for any length of time, you'll know this. I'm a retail drone. I empty boxes of shipment and I fold jeans. I open fitting rooms for people. I occasionally will help them find their sizes but only if I was headed in that direction anyway. I occasionally spend more time writing haiku about my work day than actually working the work day. I don't work night or holidays and only condone to working two weekends the entire year. I'm not really all that interested in customer service. I refuse to sell credit cards or membership cards or whatever other card they decide we should push. I refuse to learn the register. I flat out don't participate in store incentives and the only reason I didn't heckle the last staff meeting was because I was too busy sitting in the back watching the Patriots game on my smart phone.
And my visit before this one (to pick up a paycheck because I still refuse to get direct deposit even though the company keeps harassing me to do so), I learned that our stupid, stupid annual inventory will be held on Superbowl Sunday. This led to a rant of which I am especially proud in which I may have called everyone in the corporate office a bunch of American hating communists because why else would they schedule something so stupid as inventory on Superbowl Sunday. I say 'may have' because of course it can't be proven.
I just may have to quit my job. And no, that's not a joke.
So, as you can see, I'm very much the motivational poster pictured above.
Ruthie, my long suffering stockroom companion, told me that she'd been brought into the office for a sit down meeting with the SM. I don't remember the original topic of conversation but somehow it came around to how Ruthie needs to be more like me.
Me: You mean surly, sarcastic and uncooperative?
Because honestly, I'm flabbergasted. I'm totally the main character in Office Space and just like that character (whose name I honestly can't remember), it seems the more surly, sarcastic and uncooperative I am, the more well received I become.
The SM claims that Ruthie doesn't go above and beyond for her job the way I do.
Me: Well, that's true. I do tweet way more unflattering things about this place than you do.
Ruthie: I don't even know what 'tweeting' is!
Me: Maybe you should.
The SM told Ruthie that I always come early and stay late whereas she punches in on time and leaves on time.
Me: So she's angry that you show up on time? Doesn't she realize that you're one of three employees who actually do that?
Ruthie: I know, right!
And then the SM said I don't take my breaks (which is sometimes true but not always. Some times I take extended breaks but the SM doesn't seem to know about that) whereas Ruthie always takes her breaks. And again, always punches back in on time.
Me: But I get yelled at when I don't take my breaks.
Ruthie: I know!
But then came one of the SM's more well developed examples of how I go above and beyond. It happened just before Christmas when The Store was in the midst of a massive product transfer (nothing makes me happier than sending massive amounts of product to another store just before inventory prep starts.). I just so happened to wander in to check my schedule and saw Ruthie in a bit of a time crunch. So I helped her out by printing shipping labels and putting them on the boxes. I didn't help The Store. I helped Ruthie. Sure, The Store benefited as the boxes made it to the delivery truck on time but that's not why I did it. This is what the SM had to say that day:
SM: What, are you gunning for employee of the month?
Me: God no. I have a reputation to maintain after all.
Yep. Sure sounds like a team player to me.
So let this be a lesson to you, kids. If you're going to be a surly, sarcastic pain the ass at work, make sure you show up early.