Thursday, June 30, 2011

Adult Truths

Here's the deal. I'm slacking off today in the blogging department (not that anything I write is exactly high literature ) so that I might spend the day wandering around the house, talking to myself in an attempt to write a conversation between Dana and the person who (with luck) will get our boy back on track without the whole thing turning into some horrific cliched Hallmark moment where they hold hands and skip around a meadow making daisy chains while singing Kumbaya. As you can see, walking this very narrow line will require my full and complete attention and so in lieu of just skipping a blog post altogether, I have decided to share with you instead an email I received from my sister. I did not write it, nor did my sister. I don't know who wrote it. It's one of those email forwards that's probably been in my inbox before. I just thought it was funny.

My regular blogging schedule ( I even have one of those?) will resume tomorrow with my June 2010 Book Review.

Adult Truths

1. Sometimes I look at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike but there comes a moment at work when you know taht you just aren't going to do anything productive the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks if I want to save any changes to my ten-paged technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses start with Miller Lite than with Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and pinning the tail on the donkey. But I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button with their eyes closed from three feet away in about 1.7 seconds.
23. The first testicular guard, the "cup", was used in hockey in 1874. The first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize their brain is also important.


  1. Nice. Funny. And this is a real blog so stop giving yourself grief, funny lady.

  2. Hey MJ!
    I've given you a BLOG AWARD. Feel free to drop by anytime to pick it up. Just a little something to brighten up your day. :)

    warm regards,

  3. those are hilarious.
    the funny thing is, if i had received this in an email i wouldve deleted it post haste!
    thanks for sharing it!

  4. Yes, there is a lot of truth here.
    Thanks for sharing it since I had forgotten these after the last time they were emailed to me. Who thinks up this cool stuff anyway?

    Tossing It Out

  5. OMG Number 5! I am not the only one that can't figure that out. In the end, I lump it up and throw it on the shelf.

  6. Oh my gosh, these are so funny! I was going to say which I loved best, but Iloved so many of them!

  7. I guess the one good thing to come out of all my years spent in retail is that I do actually know how to fold a fitted sheet.

  8. I was going to comment on the 1 or 2 of these that I agree with, and then I realized that I pretty much agree with ALL of them. But I most closely relate to #2...