I'm going to warn you now. This isn't going to be a very good post. Not that anything I've ever posted here has been some kind of high literature or anything. It's just that I'm kind of winging it today. Actually, strike that. I'm totally winging it today. I signed up for the A to Z Challenge a while ago (like in February) and had a set list of topics worked out well before the beginning of the month, Q included, but as my brother will tell you, I've still had problems settling on topics for certain letters (M, I'm looking at you). You should see the topics page in my notebook. It's just one big blue and black scribble now. Maybe I'll write about this! Maybe I'll write about that! Oooh! This would be good!
Because here's the thing: I can't make a decision.
Unless that decision involves buying books. Then I'm probably a little too good at making a decision. Especially since that decision always ends up being 'yes!'
But in other things, I have a much tougher time. Take yesterday for example. Yesterday I wore pajamas while I worked on Second Nature. But I really wanted cake so I spent so much time weighing the pros and cons of going to the store to get a damn piece of cake. All day long I did this. Cake is good and I want cake. But I don't need cake. I need to work. But I'd work better if I had cake because cake is good and I want cake. But I don't need cake...
There are just some days when I can't stand being in my head.
So if I have that much trouble making a decision on something as minor as baked goods, then how the hell am I supposed to make a decision about something that really matters?
I am, of course, talking about writing. I have these stories, these manuscripts, and I really do want to do something more with them than print them up and stick them in three ring binders. I would like them to be in actual book form and I would like people, even if it's only friends and family, to have the opportunity to purchase said books and maybe even enjoy reading them.
And there are so many possibilities out there to make this happen now. Traditional, indie, self publishing, whatever-- but which one do you pick? How do you decide which one is right for you?
So I keep researching. I've read books on the subject. I've read articles and people's blogs about their personal experiences and I'm no closer to making a decision than I've been at any other time.
But that's only part of it. The other part is what to do with the manuscript itself. Effigy is a long book. A very long book. Not George R.R. Martin long but still, it comes in at 195,506 words. There are some publishers out there I think would be a good fit for me but they don't want anything over 120,000 words. Making my book right for them would involve me splitting Effigy into three separate novels. I've considered this before (Of course I have. I've considered just about everything and I just can't decide what's best.) and some days it seems like the smart choice but then the next day, I've managed to talk myself out of it.
Maybe that's the real issue. I make decisions all the time. It just sticking with what's been decided that's the problem.
I don't want to make the wrong decision. I love this book and I don't want to screw this up. Consequently, I'm currently so paranoid about making the wrong decision that I've decided to not decide. I know that this, in itself, is a wrong decision but it feels like a safer one than picking a path that just might be the wrong one.
So the question today is: how do you make decisions? And I don't necessarily mean writing. I mean anything. For example, how did you decide what to eat for breakfast this morning? Eenie Meenie Miney Mo? Rock Paper Scissors? Dart board? Pro-Con list? Tell me. Because I really want to know.