Yesterday it snowed. You might have heard about it. Apparently, it was a pretty big storm. Anyway, it was big enough and bad enough that New Hampshire declared a snow emergency. This cracks me up because it's New England after all and snow is what is supposed to happen this time of year. But whatever. New Hampshire declared an emergency and because of that, the mall where The Store is located closed. This is a Big Deal because the mall never closes.
But as Ruthie, Store Manager (herein after referred to as SM) and I were in The Store at 7am, we didn't know this. And when we found out about this, SM decided we should stay because we still had things to do because Inventory was still on Thursday (today). Then she made the sales associates come in to work because there was so much to do. And then, because we were all here anyway, she decided to open the doors for any (stupid) shoppers that happened by.
"You be sure to come get me when these idiots show up," I said to the SM, "because I would like to come out here and glare at them properly."
"Yeah," the SM said in response, "I'm not doing that."
We did have one sale. It was someone who was staying at the hotel next to the mall and had walked over to go shopping. Unfortunately for them, we were the only store open so it didn't take them long to complete their plans for the day. On an unrelated people are jerks side note, other guests at the same hotel demanded (yes, demanded) a free night from the hotel because the mall was closed.
So Ruthie and I powered through our inventory prep work in hopes that we'd get sent home early. We finished it all and we were sent home early but only to be told that we'd have to come in earlier today. Seems like a crappy reward for being awesome efficient workers but I suppose we should be used to it by now.
The following list details all the things one needs in order to insure a successful inventory experience:
1. An ability to count quickly and accurately. In the event that only one of these qualities is available, the ability to count accurately is preferred. These qualities are sometimes both absent from the so called inventory specialists. Isn't that ironic? Or just mind numbingly aggravating.
2. A sense of humor. Because someone will invariably start shouting out random numbers at you while you're counting a massive stack of tee shirts. A sense of humor will be instrumental in NOT killing this person.
3. A sense of patience. Did you read number one? Seriously, some of these people can only accurately count the minutes between their cigarette breaks. I really don't like smokers who think their addiction entitles them to additional time off. I'm addicted to chocolate yet I don't get frequent chocolate breaks, do I?
4. A high tolerance for B.O. Because, yeah, counting isn't the only challenge for the so called inventory specialists. Apparently, personal hygiene is also a stumper.
5. A fifth of whiskey, scotch or vodka (whatever your personal preference). Turn the night into a drinking game! Whenever a so called inventory specialist calls for a sku check, do a shot. Whenever a so called inventory specialist miscounts an area, do a shot. Whenever a so called inventory specialist needs a cigarette break, do a shot.
6. A ride home. Or, in the event of a truly disastrous crew of so called inventory specialists, a ride to the hospital.
So there you have it. All the things required to survive Inventory. Follow these simple instructions and you too will have a successful inventory experience. TTFN...