Wednesday, December 9, 2009

And So It Goes

I am missing November.

And it isn't just because I am now looking out the window at a near foot of snow when, just a week ago, we were sitting pretty with some sun and near seventy degree weather. I live in the mountains of New England. Snow is sort of inevitable this time of year.

I am, however, a little miffed at my plow guy right now. My plow guy who has yet to appear to plow the near foot of snow currently filling my driveway. Not to mention the more than knee deep snow at the end of the driveway, courtesy of the town plow. (Side note: How is it the town plow never seems to leave snow at the end of anyone else's driveway? How is it always mine?) Joe, even with our all wheel drive vehicle, barely got into the driveway this evening and only managed that because I had gone down and shoveled out an opening for him.

Note to my plow guy: I did not pay you a butt load of money so I could shovel out the end of my driveway after a freaking snowstorm drops a foot of the not so fluffy white stuff. If you can't be bothered to show up in a timely fashion, give me my damn money back and I will find someone who will. And yes, I already have someone in mind.

The someone is the arborist (Shane) who spent both Monday and Tuesday taking down the trees. Or some of the trees, I should say, because there's still a lot to come down. He started with the little pencil thin trees Marie wanted taken down because she was afraid they might grow (not sure what trees do on whatever planet she happens to be from but they apparently don't grow because she's always surprised when that happens.). Then he started on de-limbing the bigger trees. Today he took off because of the snow. That part was nice because it gave me a rest from the incessant barking from the Dynamic Duo who started barking at 9am on Monday morning when they noticed Shane the arborist and Shane the arborist's assistant tromping around our yard. The dogs stopped barking at 3:30 that afternoon when Shane and his assistant called it quits for the day. The fun resumed at 9am the next morning. Today, like I said, was quiet, but I fully expect them to start up right at 9am tomorrow when Shane is likely to reappear.

Shane also plows driveways. He mentioned this to me the other day and asked if we had a plow guy already. I said yes because I thought we did, in fact, have a plow guy. But apparently, when you sign a contact and send in a check to a plow guy it doesn't necessarily mean they'll show up. Jackasses. Shane told me that if our guy flaked on us to give him a call.

Man must be psychic.

But anyway, Shane is doing a wonderful job. If we ever have any further tree removal or landscaping needs, we'll totally be calling him. Even if he's afraid to come in the house. Just because he's met by a 130 pound German shepherd barking its head off and the only thing standing in between them is a baby gate precariously leaning against a doorway. Whatever...

So yeah, I'm missing November.

Another facet of this is that my creativity level has dropped off sharply so far this month. Joe says it's because I don't have a website telling me how many words I need to write each day and no graph depicting how far behind I am. He then offered to create such a graph for me. I turned him down because I have no set goal this month so I wouldn't know what to put into a graph. I'll probably take him up on that offer in January though because I have a definite writing goal then (to finish Second Nature).

Plus, there's this whole impending Christmas thing.

Has anyone else seen that commercial where this guy tells people to schedule pap smears for the women in their lives as a Christmas present? The first time I saw it, I actually had to reach for the remote and rewind the commercial so I could watch it again and confirm that that guy (I have no idea who he is) really did say 'pap smear' and 'Christmas gift' in the same sentence. Then I had a moment of disbelief where I couldn't believe it was a real, actual serious commercial and not some kind of Saturday Night Live spoof. Now, I don't need or expect anyone to buy me a present of any kind but even I have to think that a pap smear appointment isn't really a great gift. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a visit to the gynecologist. For Valentine's Day, maybe I'll get you a mammogram.

I'm surrounded by people who are knocking off their holiday shopping in one swoop (or one phone call to the gynecologist...) and I'm floundering big time. I just don't have the drive or desire to go out and do any. I can't even bring myself to shop online. Don't know where my Christmas spirit has gone to but I hope it comes back soon because, damn, I have a lot to do.

This Saturday I have to bake cookies. My mother has an annual holiday cookie swap party where everyone brings two dozen of two different types of cookies. Then you, like the name suggests, swap cookies so everyone goes home with an array of an insane amount of cookies. The problem is I have to bake cookies. This is a problem because I (a) do not bake and (b) I am afraid of eggs (sad but true) and refuse to even buy them which really limits my cookie making abilities.

But fortunately, I have a very excellent friend who comes over and helps me with my pathetic-ness. Heather is not afraid of eggs because, really, what sane person is, right? She's coming over on Saturday after she gets out of work to help me bake cookies. And by 'help me bake cookies' I pretty much mean 'bake cookies for me'. But I totally give her full and complete credit for it because I sure as hell don't want anyone thinking I can bake.

Because I can't.

I did, however, tell Heather I would make her dinner. Anything that she wanted. Well, anything that she wanted that I could make. Which probably means macaroni and cheese because, really, I don't know how to make much else.

My goodness. This blog really does seem to be exploring the reaches of my pathetic-ness, doesn't it?

So I guess on that note, I'll sign off for the evening. Maybe I'll go see if the USA network is replaying Elf starring Will Farrell (possibly my favorite holiday movie ever) and see if I just can't recapture some holiday spirit.

Until next time...

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