Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Long Time No Blog

It's been a little while since I've blogged so I thought I might take these moments before the American Idol results show (If Matt Giruard stays and Alison Iraheta goes, I'll be mad.), to tell you what's been going on.

So I should probably start with the reason why I haven't blogged. Well, last Wednesday I went online to watch Chuck on NBC's website and just a couple of minutes in, this window popped up claiming that some virus was attacking my computer and if I would only click here, then the VirusScan2009 (Not the real name, but I don't remember the real name, so I made one up. Not my most creative work, I grant you, but functional nonetheless.) would sweep in and save the day. I did not click here. I called Joe to ask him because I didn't remember anything called VirusScan2009 being installed on my computer. Because I didn't. Neither did Joe (Joe, by the way, just caught a glimpse of the blog entry entitled "Shmoe Versus The Schnauzer" and is, how do you say, not pleased.). The VirusScan 2009, as it turns out, is a virus that tricks people into thinking they have a virus (which, ironically, they do) and when the poor unsuspecting people click here and give VirusScan2009 permission to scan the computer or whatever, it steals all the online money stuff it can get its hands on. It must have been disappointed with my computer because there isn't any online money stuff on it. But Joe told me to turn my computer off and he'd figure out how to de-virus the computer when he got home.

This happened at 8am. Joe wouldn't be getting home until after 5pm.

Now, there was a time in my life when I wasn't really all that into the internet. I remember telling my friend Ben that I didn't need email or internet access because when would I ever use it? Then, about fourteen years later, there I was, sitting in my living room, wondering what the hell to do with myself since I no longer had any online access.

So I watched a show I'd recorded with the DVR (My traitorous DVR, by the way, that has started to delete my beloved episodes of Legend of the Seeker). Then I watched another. Then I stared at the ceiling fan for a while. Then I dusted the ceiling fan. Then I checked the clock. It was 9am. Time moves very slowly when you can't check your email or Facebook page over and over again.

Joe spent the next couple of days trying to de-virus my computer. I've taken a lot of guff from people asking me what kind of sites I visit but the most controversial sites I frequent are Facebook and MySpace. I don't go to the scary sites. I don't click on links people send me unless I know for a fact that it leads to a safe site.

And yet.

Whatever. My computer's fixed now (at least as far as we know) but now I'm afraid to use it so I've been waiting for Joe to come home every night so I can use his laptop. With any luck, it won't get affected.

Went to Boston this past weekend. It was a research thing. I spent the drive down being mad at my "friend" (Yes, I am using sarcastic air quotes. Told you I was mad.). You know, the one who's reading my book but isn't. Well, he sent me an email a while back asking if he was helping me at all. So, after writing and erasing a multitude of sarcastic responses, I very calmly wrote back that yes, it helps but the length of time between chapters was decidedly less helpful. But then I gave him an out and said that I knew he didn't have a lot of free time and I shouldn't have bothered him with it in the first place, so he didn't have to bother with the rest.

Then he responded with an email that made my eyes repeatedly bug out of my head like I was a cartoon character. Here are some of the highlights:

I really don't have time to read it twice. My response: Don't recall asking you to read it twice and besides, you haven't even read it once yet.

I can just read it and bug you constantly until you let me read the next one. My response: Are you frakking serious? What the hell makes you think I'd let you read Second Nature? The only way you'll ever read Second Nature is if you go into a book store upon its publication and buy a copy.

For the record, you never 'bugged' me about this. I volunteered and would again. My response: I know I didn't bug you about this. I know you volunteered. I was trying to be polite, you frakking prick.

Anyway, it's your book and my occasional free-time is at your disposal...or not. My response: Damn right it's my book and if your occasional free-time was at my disposal, then we wouldn't be having this conversation. Whatever.

So I decided not to respond to this email. I decided to just let it go. Then I received the next chapter from my friend with the note "Since I'm reading it anyway, I'll put my thoughts down. If you don't want to use them, that's cool too." followed by some stupid emoticon.

That's why I was mad on Saturday. This was the response I was going to send: "I obviously can't stop you from reading the book since I was idiot enough to send you the files in the first place, but I would prefer it were you to refrain from sending me your thoughts. I waited nine months to hear your thoughts. You had your chance and you stuck me on the back burner so you could play World of Warcraft. So I don't care if you find a plot hole the size of the Northern Hemisphere. I don't want to hear about it. Not from you."

But again, I ultimately decided to not respond. Today I took a look at the chapter notes and only found one and one so minor I didn't know why he'd bothered to put it in. So Stupid Me, I asked about it. Didn't know why he bothered. Whatever.

But anyway, back to Boston. Had a great time. It was a gorgeous day and it was the first time I went to Boston to just walk around Boston. Boston, by the way, is the city of false advertising. Heather and I found "The Old Corner Book Store" on a map and tracked it down only to discover that it was now a jewellery store. Outside the jewellery store, there was a plaque that read "Old Corner Book Store" with some blurb about how the Founding Fathers bought books there or something. Whatever. Fortunately, there was a Borders with free brownie samples waiting for us across the street. Then we wandered down to Boston Commons. We people-watched for a while and then tried to locate the Frog Pond on the map. On the map, it's a cute little drawing of a cartoon pond and a cartoon frog. In reality, it's a hole in the ground lined with cement. Apparently, they use it for ice skating in the winter. Not cool.

Oh, and the Red Sox swept the Yankees. And Jacoby Ellsbury stole home on Sunday night. This play was amazing and the ESPN commentators were replaying it over and over and over again. Monday morning, I tuned in to SportsCenter to watch the top ten plays, figured Jacoby HAD to be there. And he was. He was number four. FOUR. Youk hitting a home run came ahead of him and some guy hitting a three pointer in a basketball game was number one. Seriously? Guys hit home runs and three pointers every day but how often does someone steal home without the catcher even realizing it was happening until it was done???

Jacoby was robbed.

Of course, I am not one who should be considered unbiased in this. I would also like it to be noted that I love Youk and bear him no ill will.

My friend Omar told me that the Yankees are planning to 'plunk' (I think that's the word he used) Jacoby when Boston visits Yankee Stadium next month. I say Bring it on. Ellsbury is like the freaking mayor of Awesomeville. You plunk him (whatever that means...I think it means hit him with a pitch) and you'll have to deal with all of Red Sox Nation. Can't wait to watch that game.

What else? Oh, I love my town. It was ninety degrees yesterday and the front page story in the local paper was about the avalanche that happened the day before in the Ravine. Today's front page story was about an Eagle Scout who spent four days alone on Mount Washington.

Anyway, it's almost time for American Idol. See you on the Flip Side...

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