Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Amazing Peeing Puppy

So Max is spending the weekend with us. If you're new to My Pet Blog, Max is Max is Wonder Schnauzer, a miniature Schnauzer belonging to my brother and sister-in-law. If you're new to My Pet Blog, you won't know of Max's many misadventures but they are many. And usually involve peeing.

This visit has proved to be no different.

Max arrived around 4pm Friday afternoon. The very first thing I did when I let him out of the car was to take him to relieve himself on all his favorite trees so really, there was no excuse...except, in Max's mind, there was.

He's a boy.

He's also the Alpha at his house. At our house, however, he's low pup on the totem pole. I actually think he might be even below the cats.

Max does not much enjoy this.

So he spends a lot of time (well, any unsupervised time anyway) marking. Marking whatever should cross his path, be it the trees or the rug or the Ralph Lauren bedding or Joe (Yes. Max marked Joe once. Joe was, of course, thrilled and honored.). This, you can imagine, goes over very well with my dogs. Max's first visit with us was a constant pissing contest between him and Sebastian. Sebastian doesn't mark in the house though. At least not any more.

But Max arrived at 4pm on Friday and by 6pm, he'd already peed twice. The first time in the living room and the second time on the doormat in the foyer.

And we ran out of pet stain cleaner.

This morning, I took Mischa to obedience class where she managed to emasculate a couple of the male German Shepherds. Max and Sebastian (two other of Mischa's bitches.) stayed home with Joe. When we came home, it was to find Joe on the couch and both dogs trapped via baby gates in the living room and the Bissell Little Green Cleaning Machine sitting up on the kitchen counter.

"What did Max pee on?" I asked.

"That's the wrong question," Joe said.

"What did Max not pee on?" I asked.

"That's better," Joe said.

Here's what happened:

There's a local election coming up in town because one of our state senators resigned his seat once he received his third DUI (Classy of his, huh?). I think I must be on the best buddies of the democratic party or something because every democratic candidate comes to the house to talk to me (check out my primary blogs from last January). Joe loves it when I'm not home when they comes because then he has to talk to them long enough to tell them he's one of those apathetic Americans who don't vote and yet like to bitch about the government.

Anyway, I digress.

Joe didn't know the election people were at the house. He didn't hear them. Sebastian, however, did. Sebastian loves election people. And the people who comes by to bring us the word of god. And the Swann's man (who still hasn't come back to take our food order...what's up with that?) and, well, you get the idea. So Sebastian went into one of his super fun apoplectic fits but by the time Joe got to the door, no one was there. There was a black jeep hightailing it out of our driveway (they even backed out, they were in such a hurry to get out of there.) and a little door tag thing for whoever the democratic candidate. Max, as far as I know, did not bark or even know anyone had stopped by the house. Joe reports he (Max, not Joe) spent much of the day, standing on the arm of the sofa in an intense staring contest with Speed Racer, the turtle. Since Speed Racer doesn't much move, I'm guessing Max lost.

Oh, hey, look at that. I'm digressing again.

While Joe was already off his ass, he figured he'd take the boys out to pee. He took Max first. Max took forever to pick a shrub but finally relieved himself and Joe brought him back. Joe then took Sebastian outside. Sebastian did not take very long to do what he needed to do. Joe says he wasn't out for more than a minute.

Turns out, a minute was all it took.

Max had taken advantage of the lack of supervision and decided to claim the stairwell as his very own. The entire stairwell. Starting at the very top and working his way to the very bottom.

Joe was not what one could consider amused. Or evenly mildly pleased.

And, oh yeah. Did I mention we were out of pet stain cleaner?

So enter the Bissell Little Green Cleaning Machine. And the baby gates.

Max and Mischa are currently curled up together on the sofa. It's adorable. I am unfortunately sans camera. It's a nice change from the rest of the evening when they were engaged in a never ending power struggle to see who'll be top dog. Max doesn't have a chance but, bless his little Wonder Schnauzer heart, he never loses hope that today will be the day when he pees on everything and beats down the Gator Girl.

Maybe he'll be luckier tomorrow...

Better go stock up on pet stain cleaner.

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