Friday, February 13, 2009

The Top Fifteen Angel Episodes Ever.

15. Not Fade Away, season five, written by Joss Whedon and Jeffrey Bell, directed by Jeffrey Bell- The series finale, forced by the now defunct WB network so it could make room for shows like Smallville and whatever. Not that I'm bitter. Oh wait, yes I'm bitter. Of course I'm bitter. This is a great episode and a good series finale so it makes the list. But, like Buffy, it's the one episode I hoped to never see. So it makes the end of the list.
Conner: "C'mon, you drop by for a cup of coffee and the world's not ending?"

Sebassis: "This circle does not abide secrets."
Angel: "Which is interesting for a secret society."


Spike reciting the poem he wrote for Cicely so long ago and receiving applause for it.

Also, Wesley's last scene is nice. Sad, but nice.

14. Life Of The Party, season five, written by Ben Edlund and directed by Bill Norton. It's a Halloween party at Wolfram and Hart. Lorne has his sleep removed so he has more time to get everything just perfect and, well, you guessed it, hijinks ensue as everyone ends up doing what Lorne tells them to do.
Lorne: Angel. It's a graveyard out there, and all the guests wanna meet the new guy in charge.
Angel: Look, Lorne, I--I--I have things. I'm busy. I'm brooding.
Lorne: (sees the television) Oh, you're watching hockey!
Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.

Fred: I mean, wow. Wes. Wesley. I am totally drunk-faced.
Wesley: Because you can't hold your--what are you drinking?
Fred: Nothing.
Wesley: You can't hold that.

Wesley: Hey. Hey, Gunn. Is something weird going on? Charles, you just peed on my shoes.
Gunn: I'll be damned. That's weird.

Angel: Lorne told you to pee all over the office?
Gunn: God I hope so!

Angel: Eve. So I guess we should, I don't know, talk?
Eve: About what?
Angel: About what happened back there with us.
Eve: Angel, it's not like this is the first time I've had sex under a mystical influence. I went to U.C. Santa Cruz.

Spike: You pissed in the Big Man's chair? That's fantastic!
Gunn: Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?
Spike: What, the Lorne thing? Worn off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

13. Guise Will Be Guise, season two, written by Jane Espenson and directed by Krishna Rao. Angel goes to visit a swami to help him sort through some feelings. Meanwhile, Wesley is forced to pose as Angel and act as bodyguard to Virginia Bryce. Hijinks ensure, naturally. I love the funny episodes. I really do. Plus, Wesley gets to be the hero and get the girl.
Cordelia: [Pretending to be Angel] Oh no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them -- oh by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday.

Swami: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible... Why do you hate yourself?

Swami: How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse do you think are going to be using that hair gel. Don't get me wrong, you’re out there, fighting ultimate evil, you're gonna want something with hold.

Angel: I'm not a eunuch.

12. Destiny, season five, written by Steven S. DeKnight and Drew Goddard. Directed by Jefferson Kibbee. A tortured vampire slayer escapes from a mental hospital and Angel and Company are on the look out. Andrew also puts in an appearance. A good mix of the funny and the serious.
Andrew: Spike? It's you. It's really you! My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope but, I knew you'd come back. You're like... You're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful than ever. He's alive, Frodo. He's alive.

Andrew (to Angel): Check the view screen Uhura. I've got twelve Vampire Slayers behind me, and not one of them has ever dated you.

Spike: She is one of us now. She's a monster.
Angel: She's an innocent victim.
Spike: So were we, once upon a time.
Angel: Once upon a time.

11. You're Welcome, season five, written and directed by David Fury. The series's 100th episode, and Cordelia's last appearance. She calls in a favor with the Powers That Be and gets one last chance to set Angel back on the right path. Evil Lawyer Lindsay also returns.
Cordelia: Oh, my God. Gunn? You have hair.
Gunn: Oh. Heh! Yeah. What’d you think, I was prematurely bald?
Gunn: I wasn’t.

Angel: I'm not gonna risk anybody I care about.
Spike: I'll go.
Angel Okay.

10. In The Dark, season one, written by Doug Petrie and directed by Bruce Seth Green. Oz is in LA, delivering a special item from Buffy to Angel, the ring of Amarra, a ring which will make Angel invincible. Spike, however, is also in town, also looking for the ring. Let the games begin!
Highlights: The opening scene where Spike, overlooking Angel and his latest damsel in distress, makes up some hysterical dialogue for the two:

Spike: (as Rachel) How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike: (as Angel) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair!
Spike: (as Rachel) But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
Spike: (as Angel) No, helping those in need is my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
Spike: (as Rachel) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so...
Spike: (as Angel) Say no more. Evil is still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!

9. Hellbound, season five, written and directed by Steven S. DeKnight. Ghost like Spike is slowly being drawn into hell. No one seems very concerned by this except for Fred who is determined to find a way to save him. It's creep and at times graphic and scary.
Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam, even when we were evil.
Angel: Cared for you less.
Spike: Fine.
Angel: Good. (they sit in silence) There was one thing about you...
Spike: Really?
Angel: Yeah, I never told anyone about this, but I--I liked your poems.
Spike: You like Barry Manilow.

8. Spin The Bottle, season four, written and directed by Joss Whedon. Desperate to cure Cordelia's amnesia, the gang resorts to magic. Magic, of course, never works out the way it is supposed to work out and, again, hijinks ensue. The gang reverts back to their high school selves.

Cordelia: (re: Fred) Oh! We're both in school. Oh gosh! Let's be best friends, so I can lose all my cool ones.
Wesley: There's no call to be snippity, miss.
Cordelia: This is a Clarion call for snippity, Princess Charles.
Wesley: It's Wesley, thank you. Wyndham-Price. I attend the Watcher's Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be Head Boy.
Cordelia: (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder how you earned that nickname.
Wesley: A lot of effort I don't mind saying.

Wesley: The cross obviously doesn't affect me or our friend the pugilist.
Gunn: Oh, your ass better pray I don't look that word up.

Fred: I'm ready, I'm ok, it'd be cooler if we could score some weed though.

7. Darla, season two, written and directed by Tim Minear- The second half of a Buffy/Angel crossover event, otherwise known as Vamp History as it deals with the doing of Angelus, Darla, Spike and Drusilla. The episode's all angst sprinkled with more angst. It's great. No specific highlights because the entire episode is its own highlight.

6. Orpheus, season four, written by Mere Smith and directed by Terrance O'Hara- Faith and Angelus take a magical drug coma induced tour of Angel's past. Willow also appears to restore Angel's soul.
1920's Angel saving a puppy and a 1970s Angel listening to Barry Manilow.

Willow: You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.
Connor: It's Connor.
Willow: And the sneer's genetic. Who knew?

5. Five By Five, season one, written by Jim Kouf, directed by James A. Contner- Faith's back and she's pissed. Wolfram and Hart pay her to go after Angel. She kidnaps and tortures Wesley, Angel comes to the rescue of both Wesley and Faith.
Highlights: Faith's meltdown in the rain.

4. Waiting In The Wings, season three, written and directed by Joss Whedon- The ballet episode. Fun and sexy and intorduces to the Whedon verse a young actress named Summer Glau....otherwise known as River Tam.
Angel (re: a ballet company): "Oh yeah, yeah I saw their production of Giselle in 1890-- cried like a baby. And I was evil!"

Angel: "Back in the day I'd always get box seats...or just eat the people who had them."

3. Smile Time, season five, written and directed by Ben Edlund- The now famous puppet episode where Angel and the gang take on a sinister children's education television show and Angel is inadvertantly turned into a puppet. Also a double whammy because you're laughing so hard you're crying now but the following episode makes you cry because Fred dies.
The Self Esteem song.

Spike "You're a bloody puppet!" and the following fight between Angel the puppet and Spike, resulting in Spike getting his ass kicked.

Nina thinking she ate Angel the puppet.

Also Angel's line, "I do not have puppet cancer."

2. I Will Remember You, season one, written by Jeannine Renshaw and David Greenwalt, directed by David Grossman- The episode where Buffy comes to L.A., Angel becomes human, he and Buffy have a few perfect moments together and then Angel gives up his mortality to return to his cursed vampire life in order to save Buffy. The kicker? No one knows it ever happened but Angel.
Highlights: Buffy and Angel's final moments together before the Oracles set back the clock. It'll make you teary-eyed.

1. A Hole In The World, season five, written and directed by Joss Whedon- The episode where Fred, our dear sweet Fred, who has just connected with her soul mate, Wesley, dies and becomes inhabited by the demon Illyria. One word for you: Tearjerker. If you don't cry, there must be something wrong with you.
Highlights: Sad but true, the very end where Fred actually dies. Her conversation with Wesley, too long to put in here, but you'll need a kleenex. Unless you're a Cylon or something. But even Cylons cry. I've seen it.

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