Wow. It's been a while since I was here last.
I was supposed to have come back two weeks ago, but then I did this thing where...I didn't.
I've had that thing a lot this year. Like, pretty constantly. All right—there's nothing pretty about how constantly I've had issues doing...well, anything.
In my endless maturity, I have decided to blame Florida. I've been here five months now, and I'm just not comfortable here. It's hot. Like, crazy hot, and heat makes me miserable. The air conditioning unit is my new best friend. Not that it matters because it's not like I want to go outside anyway. I'm not exactly...comfortable with all of Florida's wildlife.
Snakes, for example. At home, I wasn't a fan of snakes, but I wasn't stand-on-a-chair-screaming afraid of them, either. But I think I have now officially crossed over to the other side.
If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen this pop up in my feed, but a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk working away on the manuscript that will never, ever, ever be finished (another blog post for another day, perhaps) when I looked out the window and saw a snake sitting in the plant, looking at me.
My reaction is best explained in the following gifs:
That's right. I literally ran away from the snake. That was sitting in a plant (or whatever snakes do. I don't think they sit.). Outside.
I guess the good news is that I actually got some exercise that day. From both the vigorous running away, as well as the endless pacing in which I partook during the time in which I was attempting to figure out how to get the hell out of Florida.
But, c'mon! What was that snake doing out there? Looking for story ideas to steal? If that's the case, Sir Hiss, the joke's on you because I don't have any story ideas! I pretty sure Florida has killed those, too!
Was it scoping out the location of my top-secret Kit-Kat drawer? (Which I absolutely do NOT have.)
What was it doing?
At this point in time, you, like my significant other, may be tempted to offer reasonable, rational explanations or suggestions such as You're overreacting or Get over it or The snake was not trying to steal the contents of your not-so-top-secret Kit-Kat drawer, which you absolutely do not have.
But here's the thing...I have no sense of reason anymore. Rationality means nothing anymore. It dried up in the sun like a freakin' grape.
Raisin. That's what my brain is these days. A useless raisin that has no idea how to write a damn novel.
Of course, the same could be said about my brain even before it turned into a raisin.
But again, that's another post for another day, perhaps.
The bottom line is that I need to start doing better. Today is the day that I start doing that. I know I've said that repeatedly over the last five months, but perhaps today will be the day that I stop lying about it.
SIMULATION delivers more technology, more intense action, more humor, and more exciting new characters. Come along for the ride.
Find Simulation at: