Monday, October 21, 2013

Ramblin' On

I'm just going to start off by saying...

THE RED SOX ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!



Actually, that wasn't what I had intended to start with, but that is what came out. I have to admit that I am pretty damn pleased (to say the very least) by that and was left rather hoarse on Saturday night (Sunday morning) when my boys (yes, they're mine.) booked another trip to the World Series. It was a very high high.

But what I had actually meant to say was that this post is going to be rather ramble-y because I am all over the freaking emotional map. There was the highs of  THE RED SOX GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES and the lows of...well, pretty much everything else.

Including the Pats losing to the freakin' Jets.



And I want to talk about all of these highs and lows, wins and losses and make them all nice and neat and organized, but I'm not sure I can do so successfully. So I'm going to ramble a bit and see what kind of hot mess comes out. Please consider this your warning and my apology.

Shall we begin?

Not to be overdramatic or anything, but my day job is just killing me these days. (That's not overdramatic at all, right?) I'm drained, just absolutely drained. And I'm not sure why. I mean, this is our busy season. It's been our busy season for the 10+ years that I've worked at The Store. And it was the busy season in every other retail setting in which I've worked too, but I don't recall ever feeling this exhausted and defeated before.

The problem is not that we're busy and I have to work much harder this time of year than others because I actually prefer to be busy and I'm not afraid of hard work (no, really). I think at least some of the problem (though maybe not—what the hell do I know about anything?) can be attributed this particular crop of Management and to the fact that I've never been this angry this long at #1 Boss before. It really wears a person out, and there's absolutely no sign that it'll abate any time soon. Though I did actually speak to her this week for the first time since the beginning of August. Our conversation went like this:

Her: Why are you so mad at me?
Me: Do you remember that time when you completely screwed me over?
Her: (long, long pause): Yes.
Me: So do I.

And then came Friday when #3 Boss pissed me off so much that I stopped doing what I was doing, screamed some not nice words at #3 Boss, and just walked out (without quitting...for now) and went home.



When I got home, I wrote approximately 3500 words because writing (overall) makes me happy (happier?) where retail does not. So there's that. Which conveniently leads into my next segment.

The 3500 words is a part of a series of scenes that have been bouncing around in my head for quite a while, but I hadn't added it to the WIP before now because it happens later in the story and I haven't written the lead-in to it yet. I'm not sure I'm even getting close to writing the lead-in, but I wrote those 3500 words because I wanted to be not mad for a while, and you can never go wrong with torturing your characters.

Huh. *blink, blink*

Anyway, it's like I'm at Point A and these scenes are Point C, or maybe even D. I think I know how to get from A to C (or D), but I'm not having a lot of luck getting it out on the page because none of my approaches have worked out so far. This, of course, makes me wonder if I'm completely wrong about the plot, and I don't like that because I really, really love those 3500 words—and not just because it's 10x the progress I made last week.

But as much as I love them I don't want to cling to them at the expense of the story, so I may have ultimately done absolutely no writing this past week. But I won't know until I write the stuff that connects where I'm at to where I want to go.

This means I'm frustrated and irritated and lacking anything in the way of confidence. Which is probably attributing to the exhausted, defeated feeling in which I'm currently drowning.

But I'm still not being overdramatic.

Right.

So this brings us to the part where I would normally set goals for the week, but I'm not going to do that this time. For obvious reasons, I think.



I need a break and I need to let myself off the hook. That feels like a cop-out, and maybe it is, but that's what I'm going to do anyway.

And that's gonna do it for me today because I have another action-packed shift at The Store with which to contend. My co-workers are now placing bets on how soon I will just lose it and quit for good. Our bets are never for money, just bragging rights, so if you'd like, feel free to place your own bets below....

Have a great week, everyone. Thanks for stopping by.

45 comments:

  1. *hugs* I'm sorry you've had a rough time.It sounds like a break is exactly what you need! Take it easy for a while and allow yourself some time to decompress!

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    1. I just have to make it until January. Then I'll get a break.

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  2. I feel your pain. There's nothing worse than a job with a boss (or two) you can't stand :(

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    1. I'm just waiting for #2 Boss to join them. That day will be very, very loud.

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  3. You really need another job. Working under bosses like that is strain above and beyond what the job requires.
    At least you wrote a lot.
    Sorry about the Patriots. That one stunned me as well. I'm sure Denver fans are crying today as well.

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    1. Normally, I'd be with you there, but I still may harbor some resentment for Welker...

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  4. Sometimes being good to yourself is a worthy goal for the week.

    And let things stew on the story. Maybe you just need some subconscious time with it to figure out the connections.

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    1. I'm doing the stewing thing, but not writing always makes me nervous. Like, when I'm not writing I'm just a retail drone and that's not good at all.

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  5. I hated retail when I worked it. Hating your bosses too just makes it all the worse.

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    Replies
    1. There was one retail experience where I didn't hate my bosses. The rest of the job was...well, retail, but my bosses were all right.

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  6. Best gif use EVER. Your boss sounds awful. I hate people like that.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the gif selection. They just felt right, but I figured I'd be annoying everyone.

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  7. There you go--everyone else has said it. Here's wishing you much luck in the job search--I'm sure you'll find something 100x better. =)

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    1. There's not likely a job search in my immediate future. It'll involve a pay cut I don't want to take, and the loss of some benefits. But I do read the Want Ads every day and, as of yet, there's nothing really out there for me.

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  8. I hated corporate work too when you have to work with back-stabbers. Why are there so many 'bad' bosses? I have my suspicions but it's all about agendas and up the ladder.

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    1. Forgot to say, we're baseball fans and will be watching the World Series, too. Hubs breathes baseball. See you there.(virtually I mean)

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    2. Looking forward to Wednesday quite a lot.

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  9. I hope that things improve for you soon. It sounds like your life is very stressful.

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    Replies
    1. Well, the job part is very stressful. And it is bleeding into other aspects of my life, but I'll survive. Probably...

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  10. I wish I could say I have no idea what you're talking about because that would mean that I had never worked retail. Unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about.

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  11. Yeah, it's almost as if you're the MC in a truly wack novel. Or maybe the Best Novel Ever. Which you're also writing, so win?

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    Replies
    1. If I'm the MC in a novel, I demand a new author.

      Of course, that's probably what my characters say about me.

      Delete
  12. I'm so happy about your team winning and the progress you made on your WIP. Focus on the bright spots, that's what I always say. :-)

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    Replies
    1. I am trying to do that. Today at work, whenever my blood pressure started to rise, I just went back to Shane Victorino's grand slam, and suddenly, I don't feel quite as murderous as before.

      Delete
  13. Ah, retail. I never, never, NEVER want to go back to it. My sympathies. I hope it gets better. Or that you write the next best seller and you can quit your day job!

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    1. I never, never, NEVER want to go back to it either. Unfortunately I have to, though. Tomorrow.

      I'd better get going on that best seller...

      Delete
  14. VICTORINO! I think I scared the raccoons off the deck with that one. :-)

    And I got nothing on what to do with your job, but if you let me know where you work, I can always drop by with some pizza (for you) and pliers (for them).

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    1. I scared my cats. And probably my neighbors, too. But it was worth that visit from that nice cop...

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  15. No wonder you're stressed by being there. Screw goals. And everything else. I hope this week is better.

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    1. Well, #1 Boss is out of town for the week, so that'll help.

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  16. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it right now. I hope things get better for you soon! (((hugs)))

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  17. Hey M.J.,

    Okay, so I have a few points (while I enjoy a pint :)

    I'm an Angels fan - as you know - so go Red Sox - (gah, I got some craw in my throat.)

    IS it okay for me to guiltily hope you get more frustrated at work?

    I say this only because I freaking LOVE love LOVE when you rant and rave about The Store... they are my favorite M.J. posts :)

    And finally, you know there is a book inside you called The Store... please write it... I spent 15 years in The Restaurant and your escapades are so funny :)

    Thanks for sharing - and my bet is you'll quit the day you sign that big book deal :)

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    Replies
    1. Considering we still have the two busiest shopping weekends to go, there's an excellent chance I'll get more frustrated at work. Keep your fingers crossed!

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  18. Taking a break from your goals this week sounds like a good idea.

    Don't toss those words/scenes you wrote! Even if you don't use them in the novel itself, maybe you could use them to create some kind of backstory - short story - novella type of thing for after the book is finished.

    Hang in there! Focus on your Red Sox. :)

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    Replies
    1. I never truly toss any scenes. They'll just go live in the deleted scene file I keep in the closet. But I really hope they don't have to do that. I'm going to do my best make them work.

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  19. Ugh, work drama can absolutely derail my creativity. But it seems pissing you off helps you get your butt in the chair! *reevaluates anger protocols* :D

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    1. Well, before you make any drastic changes, you should know that that doesn't always work. Not really sure why it did this time because history shows that, when pissed off, I spend a huge amount of time just being pissed off and not doing anything else.

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  20. I have totally been there. Give yourself a break this week, treat yourself to something nice if possible. A hot bath can do wonders. Busy season will end one day! Hopefully soon!

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  21. Ugh, that sounds absolutely stressful. So sorry that work is being more of a pain than usual for you. No wonder you need a break!

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  22. You're right. All that anger can't be healthy. I hope you find a way to deal with it, even if it means taking a break from your writing.

    And yes, it's absolutely a good idea to let yourself off the writing hook when you're stressed. Write what you want, if you want, when you want. Even if you don't think it adds anything. It's the feeling happy part that's the point.

    Good luck!

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  23. I know this is about a week late, but I wanted to give you my support. (It's a week late because this is the first time I've been able to get to my blogs, so I kind of understand where you're coming from.) When things get stressful, our bodies insist on a rest, and it sounds like that's what you need.

    The writing counts. Even if it never makes it into the final product, it was still progress of a sort. I'm sure it'll fit in nicely once you've processed the stress and are able to think clearly about the novel.

    So, quitting the job would involve a pay cut? Is there something else you could do? Perhaps ads on the blog? Maybe if you let your subconscious work on the problem, a perfect solution will come to you.

    By "let your subconscious work on the problem" I mean don't think about it. Allow yourself to believe that it's all going to work out. Feel how wonderful it would be to never ever have to go to The Store again. And see what ideas pop unbidden to your brain.

    Yeah, now back to my slog...

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