I'm just going to start off by saying...
THE RED SOX ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!
Actually, that wasn't what I had intended to start with, but that is what came out. I have to admit that I am pretty damn pleased (to say the very least) by that and was left rather hoarse on Saturday night (Sunday morning) when my boys (yes, they're mine.) booked another trip to the World Series. It was a very high high.
But what I had actually meant to say was that this post is going to be rather ramble-y because I am all over the freaking emotional map. There was the highs of THE RED SOX GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES and the lows of...well, pretty much everything else.
Including the Pats losing to the freakin' Jets.
And I want to talk about all of these highs and lows, wins and losses and make them all nice and neat and organized, but I'm not sure I can do so successfully. So I'm going to ramble a bit and see what kind of hot mess comes out. Please consider this your warning and my apology.
Shall we begin?
Not to be overdramatic or anything, but my day job is just killing me these days. (That's not overdramatic at all, right?) I'm drained, just absolutely drained. And I'm not sure why. I mean, this is our busy season. It's been our busy season for the 10+ years that I've worked at The Store. And it was the busy season in every other retail setting in which I've worked too, but I don't recall ever feeling this exhausted and defeated before.
The problem is not that we're busy and I have to work much harder this time of year than others because I actually prefer to be busy and I'm not afraid of hard work (no, really). I think at least some of the problem (though maybe not—what the hell do I know about anything?) can be attributed this particular crop of Management and to the fact that I've never been this angry this long at #1 Boss before. It really wears a person out, and there's absolutely no sign that it'll abate any time soon. Though I did actually speak to her this week for the first time since the beginning of August. Our conversation went like this:
Her: Why are you so mad at me?
Me: Do you remember that time when you completely screwed me over?
Her: (long, long pause): Yes.
Me: So do I.
And then came Friday when #3 Boss pissed me off so much that I stopped doing what I was doing, screamed some not nice words at #3 Boss, and just walked out (without quitting...for now) and went home.
When I got home, I wrote approximately 3500 words because writing (overall) makes me happy (happier?) where retail does not. So there's that. Which conveniently leads into my next segment.
The 3500 words is a part of a series of scenes that have been bouncing around in my head for quite a while, but I hadn't added it to the WIP before now because it happens later in the story and I haven't written the lead-in to it yet. I'm not sure I'm even getting close to writing the lead-in, but I wrote those 3500 words because I wanted to be not mad for a while, and you can never go wrong with torturing your characters.
Huh. *blink, blink*
Anyway, it's like I'm at Point A and these scenes are Point C, or maybe even D. I think I know how to get from A to C (or D), but I'm not having a lot of luck getting it out on the page because none of my approaches have worked out so far. This, of course, makes me wonder if I'm completely wrong about the plot, and I don't like that because I really, really love those 3500 words—and not just because it's 10x the progress I made last week.
But as much as I love them I don't want to cling to them at the expense of the story, so I may have ultimately done absolutely no writing this past week. But I won't know until I write the stuff that connects where I'm at to where I want to go.
This means I'm frustrated and irritated and lacking anything in the way of confidence. Which is probably attributing to the exhausted, defeated feeling in which I'm currently drowning.
But I'm still not being overdramatic.
So this brings us to the part where I would normally set goals for the week, but I'm not going to do that this time. For obvious reasons, I think.
I need a break and I need to let myself off the hook. That feels like a cop-out, and maybe it is, but that's what I'm going to do anyway.
And that's gonna do it for me today because I have another action-packed shift at The Store with which to contend. My co-workers are now placing bets on how soon I will just lose it and quit for good. Our bets are never for money, just bragging rights, so if you'd like, feel free to place your own bets below....
Have a great week, everyone. Thanks for stopping by.