Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Bossy Haiku

According to my calendar, today is National Boss Day. Don't know who came up with it, or why, but according to Wikipedia, it's a day for employees to thank their bosses for being kind and fair throughout the year. (If you're interested in the actual history of this day, you can click on that link to Wikipedia's page.)

So in honor of this prestigious holiday, I am going to share some work haiku written for and about The Store's management trio. Some of these haiku you may have read before on Twitter or Facebook or even this blog. Some are new, never-before-seen creations. And maybe you know this already, but none of them will be thanking Management for being kind and fair. That doesn't really happen a whole lot at The Store. It's actually the root cause of why I haven't even spoken to #1 Boss since the beginning of August.

Ah, good times. Well, shall we begin?


my boss is napping
on the stockroom shelves today
when is my naptime?


boss is still sleeping
I want to write a haiku
but I'm too damn mad


message for my boss:
don't bother being nice now
it will not help you


boss just called to say
her clothes aren't dry yet so she's

going to be late


my boss promised that
she would be on time today
I suspect she lied


micromanaging
pisses me right the hell off
please stop doing it



my boss is proof that
a poorly trained monkey could
succeed at this job


boss is freaking out
thinks we all want her to quit

should i tell her yes?


to my manager:
I can't be bribed with candy
try brownies instead


on paper you're boss
but it's better if you don't
tell me what to do


my boss wants to know
why i am so mad at her
where do i begin?


So that's going to do it for me today—I'm off to work another action-packed shift. Thank you for stopping by and perusing my madness. I'll try to do better the next time.

36 comments:

  1. I about peed my pants. Thank you.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

    I really think my new boss wants to kill me. Its the War of the Glade plug-ins. I'm horribly allergic but she insists on plugging them in while I insist on throwing them away.

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    1. My boss is big on air freshener spray and uses it in the backroom a lot. It makes me gag. Good luck with your war!

      Delete
  2. I really enjoy your work haiku and laugh so hard at times, just wish this was fiction and that you didn't have to work at The Store, or had such an asshat boss.

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    Replies
    1. But then what would I do with all my time?

      Glad you enjoy the haiku. It's all worth it if someone enjoys reading them.

      Delete
  3. Tell her yes - please quit!
    Those are funny.

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    Replies
    1. That's what all my co-workers said too. The part about telling her to quit, I mean.

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  4. These would be funnier to me if I didn't understand your pain a little. Instead, I feel you on that! (although, not currently, thankfully, but in the past I've had a boss or just moments where they made life hell.)

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    Replies
    1. So glad to know a bad boss isn't your current reality.

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  5. *LOL* Hilarious. And a bit frightening. Has the killing with the mind started yet?

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    Replies
    1. Well, I have a very vivid imagination, so there's that. But no actual deaths.

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  6. Yeah... I can see why you wouldn't exactly be thankful for your boss.

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    Replies
    1. But it might make other people be thankful for theirs. =)

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  7. Oh my. I think you just voiced the frustrations of 99.99999% of people at some point in their employment history. Whew! Funny stuff.

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    1. I am sad to think that other people have to experience some of these things. Others are universal, I think.

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  8. Aww! Sorry about the hard times at the job! But at least it's giving you an excuse to create some awesome haikus. :)

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    Replies
    1. Not to mention my syllable counting skills are really coming along. =)

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  9. Nothing like turning anger into art.

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    1. I'm laughing at the idea of sarcastic work themed haiku as art.

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  10. If they aren't kind and fair, you should get to punch them. It's only right.

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    Replies
    1. That's what I think too, but so far you're the only one who agrees with me.

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  11. Retail management. The cause of good art. Because good art comes from pain, right?

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  12. Some sweet poetry. I may need to print the micro managing one on a coffee mug. Hope you survive the action packed situations. If not, go sleep on the shelves.

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    1. But all the shelves are taken by either product or my boss. But maybe I could go to another store and sleep there.

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  13. And I just told my kids today that we aren't going to study haiku. Instead of not, you want to come teach that unit?

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    Replies
    1. I loved doing my poetry unit with my kids. I always had such a blast.

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  14. These are hilarious! You've given me a deeper appreciation for haikus; I had no idea they could ever be this funny. Sorry your bosses are such a pain, though...

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    Replies
    1. I'm thinking Basho probably doesn't appreciate what I've done to his art form, though.

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  15. You make me desperately grateful that my days of having a boss are long behind me. :P

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    Replies
    1. And I hope to join you in that magical land some day soon.

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  16. Sorry your boss is a pain, but I'm kinda glad he inspired you to write these awesome haikus. :)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  17. my boss wants to know
    why i am so mad at her
    where do i begin?

    That about sums it up for my last boss. Boy am I glad I don't work there anymore!

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  18. Sorry your bosses are so irritating. I am the boss and I'd hate my staff to feel that way about me... But I do work hard to make sure they don't.

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  19. Only want this is fictional works and this people did not ought to have This Retail store, or maybe received this kind of butt cap superior.

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