Monday, July 22, 2013
So, here for you now—in bullet point form because I lack the brain power to create paragraphs and the transitions between them—is a sampling of what's been going on:
—Much of the staff has quit. And this is not an exaggeration in any way, shape or form. There was this mass exodus, and now we're running on a truly bare bones crew. Which is terrific because it's summer and we're a little busy. Double shifts for everyone!
—You should understand that the staff at The Store is made up of two groups: the veterans (six or more years) and the newbies (three months or less). The veterans have been at The Store so long they can't afford to quit and work somewhere else because (even though our pay is laughable) it would mean taking a significant pay cut. Which, apparently, is a good thing because the newbies seldom make it past the three month mark. One recent new hire didn't even make it through one month before she quit saying, "I can't see myself working here another day." End quote.
—But then there was the new hire who quit just minutes before her first shift was set to begin. That's the new record, and it's gonna be pretty tough to beat. But I don't blame them. Seriously, if I were a new hire and I had to sit through The Store's orientation (which has evolved quite a lot since I first started), I'd quit before the first hour was up.
—#2 Boss quit. She moved on to an amazing opportunity and, while I'm happy for her, I am sad to see her go because she was the one member of Management that everyone could tolerate working with. I ran into her shortly afterward and she said, "I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed not working at The Store." End quote.
—#1 Boss and #3 Boss spend more time at each other's throats than is probably healthy. Their biggest blow-out fight to date happened when #1 Boss took away #3 Boss's vacation (at the last minute) because of #2 Boss's departure. This was a Big Deal because #1 Boss had been given more than a month's notice and chose not to start looking for a replacement until after #2 Boss's last day. So #1B and #3B had a screaming match right outside The Store. Because nothing makes customers feel more welcome than Management screaming at each other in front of the entrance. Come for the deals. Stay for the uncomfortable public arguing.
—I was recently reminded once again that I am still no longer eligible for raises because I have reached the maximum hourly wage for someone in my position. You know, in case I'd somehow forgotten that I am working the textbook definition of a dead-end job. (Note to Management: I didn't forget.)
—#1 Boss told me this after she'd woken up from the nap she'd been taking on the stockroom shelves. Because she was tired. Good thing none of the rest of us ever get tired.
—She then stuck me with the training of the new #2 Boss. Lesson #1: the stock girl is always right. Management is always wrong. Lesson #2: The stock shelves are for stock, not sleeping. If anyone is going to be napping on the stockroom shelves, it'll be me. Lesson #3: You know what? Just don't touch anything back here. Doing so will just piss me off. Here endth the lesson.
—New #2 Boss seems nice. Earnest and hardworking, even. I charitably gave her three months before she ran away screaming (my co-workers only gave her two), but then she had to go home early the other day because she had a panic attack. This is bad because (a) she had a panic attack and that is never good, and (b) if she's panicking over things now, she'll never survive our true busy season (October-December). I have since lowered my estimate of her time with us. Two months. If we're lucky.
—#1 Boss told me I didn't have to fill out a self-evaluation form this year. I attribute this to the fact that last year, I wrote "What, exactly, is my motivation for doing this? I already know I'm not getting a raise, so what does it matter?" on my form and called it good.
—This week's schedule wasn't released until last Friday afternoon, and when I showed up to look at it, #1 Boss ran away and hid (true story). I didn't understand why until I saw my hours. Then I said several not-nice words, took a breath, and said several more not-nice words. Here's why: I don't have a day off this week. #1 Boss has three days off. I have zero. I am working at least the next seven days. #1 Boss is not. We are not amused.
Anyway, this means my blogging will be ultra light this week, but my work-themed haiku will be plentiful. And chock full of sarcasm. And perhaps not-nice words.
Have a great day, all.