I HAVE A DAY OFF!!! I HAVE A DAY OFF!!! It feels like forever since I was able to say that and I'm so gleeful I hardly know what to do first: dishes, laundry, or watch The Avengers. Again.
But before I do any of that (and let's face it, The Avengers is
totally going to win. Again.) I thought I would share with you some of
the soundbites from this latest stretch of work, starting with Black
Friday and ending with yesterday. It mostly features me being a brat
but that can't possibly surprise anyone anymore. Tragically, however, I
seem to have lost my Black Friday haiku list. And they were good too.
One important thing to know is that The Store was running a
"everything in the store is 30% off" sale and had big giant signs
hanging up all over reiterating this fact. And yet it still led to
Customer: Is this shirt part of the sale?
Me: Yes. Everything's on sale.
Customer: Are those jackets part of the sale?
Me: Yes. Everything's part of the sale.
Customer: Is this pair of socks part of the sale?
Me: No. You found the one thing that isn't a part of the 'everything's on sale' sale.
Customer: So is the 40% off the price?
Me: No, it's off the sleeves.
Me: Yes, it's off the price.
#1 Boss: MJ, will you help me write an announcement for the PA?
Me: Go away.
#1 Boss: Something nicer.
Me: Please go away.
#1 Boss: Never mind.
#3 Boss: Are you here?
Me: No, it's an illusion.
#3 Boss: Huh?
#3 Boss: (looking at some fallen product) What happened here?
#3 Boss: Well, thanks, Isaac Newton.
Me: That's Sir Isaac Newton to you.
New Guy: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for something.
NG: What do you mean?
Me: Well, I don't know what it means where you come from but where I come from, it means I'm looking for something.
NG: Oh. Need any help?
Me: Can I be fired?
#2 Boss: Why? What did you do now?
And, last but not least, these haiku:
Everything's on sale
So you don't have to ask if
that shirt is on sale.
It took five minutes
for New Boss to annoy me
must be a record
I don't know who is
screwing with my stockroom shelves
but they will be stopped
Don't answer the phone
with a mouthful of candy
it doesn't end well
Watching a man twirl
batons in the parking lot
can he juggle geese?
I'm headed home now
please don't call me tomorrow
I won't take your call