The following is an account of the first day of my Key West vacation last week (Monday, October 1st). There aren't many pictures for this day because I didn't have access to my camera, nor anything to take pictures of really, for most of the day. I'll make up for it later on. Hmmm. Not sure if that's a threat or a promise but here we go...
|You're leaving without me???|
7:30am: Against all odds, we leave the house on time.
8:45am: We arrive at the kennel where the dogs have a complete and total meltdown as I try to leave. Great. Because I wanted to feel horribly guilty today.
9:00am: We make an emergency stop for aspirin and a few other forgotten items. Because it just wouldn't be our vacation without an emergency stop somewhere.
9:05am: We attempt to navigate our way to the airport. I suspect this would be the most hilarious (or perhaps most pathetic) reality show ever.
9:40am: We have reached the airport and managed to park the car and get inside to the ticket counter.
9:45am: The airline representative says she hates us because we're going somewhere warm and she's not. Get in line, lady.
9:50am: We get in the security line.
9:51am: Oh, hi, puppy! Aren't you adorabl— Oh my god. You're a bomb sniffing dog, and you're entirely too interested in my leg. I swear I don't know anything about bombs. I mean, sure, I know I wrote that one paper in college, but that really was just to be a pain in my professor's ass. It's not like I understood anything I was writing at the time I was writing it. Which means I definitely don't understand any of it now. Really.
9:55am: Full body scan. Yipee.
10:00am: We make it through security. Against all odds.
10:10am: I pay $2.61 for a bottle of water. A small one. Boy, do I love airports.
10:30am: They announce that boarding will begin soon but I still don't see a plane at the gate. Unless it's the invisible jet. Which means that Wonder Woman will be our pilot. That would be kind of awesome.
10:40am: The real non invisible jet shows up. I won't lie. I'm a little disappointed.
10:45am: Boarding begins. The Man gets pulled out of line for a surprise gateside bag inspection. If we make it to our destination, it really will be a miracle.
11:30am: We depart for ATL. I'm sitting between two large men with no concept of personal space/boundaries. The one on my right is reading 'Mockingjay' on his eReader. I read along with him.
11:35am: The baby on board sitting directly behind me starts to cry. A lot. And loudly. Since that trip home from Russia with my young niece who threw lo mein noddles and stacking cups all over the cabin, I find I don't much mind crying children.
12:00pm: The turbulence sets in. Boy, do I love airplanes.
1:00pm: More turbulence. Somehow, the baby's no longer crying. However, I fear I am about to start.
2:00pm: And the turbulence keeps on coming. It's now combined with a holding pattern. I am so airsick, I write this haiku:
to my seatmates on the plane
didn't mean to puke
2:10pm: The captain says 10 more minutes. Does this plane have a parachute I could use?
2:20pm: The captain says 10 more minutes. I suspect the captain is a big fat liar.
2:30pm: The captain says 10-15 more minutes. Forget the parachute. I'll just jump and take my chances.
2:40pm: We actually land. Thank all that is good and holy. The bad news is that our next flight is already boarding. The flight attendant requests that people without a connection to make sit back and let the rest of us off first. They don't.
2:50pm: We get off the plane and learn that we have to go from Terminal A to Terminal T. But of course we do.
2:51pm: I need a bathroom. Can't decide what I need to do more, pee or vomit. Either way, I'm gonna need a bathroom.
2:55pm: Seriously, where the hell are all the bathrooms?
3:00pm: Finally find a bathroom. And there was much rejoicing.
3:05pm: We reach Terminal T as our departure time comes and goes. Fortunately, our flight has been delayed 25 minutes. Unfortunately, that still means I have to get on another plane, and no one anywhere is selling ginger ale or saltines. They all offer dramamine, but the truth remains that even a half dose of the non drowsy kind will render me unconscious for a good 24 hours. (not a joke) Then The Man would have to carry me around Weekend-At-Bernie's style until it wore off. Hilarious, no doubt, but no thanks.
3:10pm: I consider just spending my vacation in the ATL airport.
3:35pm: We board second plane. I get window seat and watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (airing tomorrow on the CW!). People seem annoyed when I sing along. C'mon, people. What did you think I would do? It's in the title, for crying out loud!
5:30pm: The flight is smooth, and I feel less like throwing up until we land in Key West. Apparently, the landing strip there is very short which makes landing difficult. When we land, it feels like we just fell right out of the sky. Must've been a Capissan 38 engine. (mega bonus points to anyone who can Name! That! Reference!)
5:40pm: Key West airport is the smallest damn airport I think I've seen. It's so small, there are no jetways here. There weren't any in Siberia either, but it's a hell of a lot warmer here than it was there in November so I find I don't mind.
6:15pm: We arrive at the hotel, dump our stuff and go for a walk on Smathers Beach.
8:00pm: We have dinner at the hotel restaurant. Our waiter's name is Goose, and I desperately want to introduce myself as Maverick and make lots of Top Gun references. Great balls of fire!
9:00pm: We return to the room where I prove that I am first and foremost a writer when, after scanning a list of area events, the only thing that catches my eye is the local writer's group. The Man's reaction: "Really?"