Monday, September 10, 2012

The End of an Error

Last week was the AssMan's last week at The Store.

My long time readers will know the AssMan was the assistant manager and, all too often, a giant pain in my you-know-where.  She's gone off to work somewhere else, somewhere (one hopes) less demanding because she truly was ill-equipped to deal with The Store's particular management requirements.  But maybe she shouldn't feel so badly.  A lot of people would be.  The Store's quite ridiculous that way.

So it is with mixed emotions that I said goodbye to the AssMan, torn because she really was a miserable person with which to work but she was always good for a "you'll never believe what happened at The Store now" post.

Here now, in a tribute to the AssMan, are some of the highlights from those posts:

—the time she wanted me fired because I wasn't on the schedule frequently enough.   I couldn't decide when the right moment was to remind her I wasn't the one who made the schedule.

—the time she then pretended she didn't want me fired because she didn't think I'd hear about it.

—the time The Man came to pick me up from work and The AssMan and I had this conversation:

Her:  (coming into the stockroom where I am feverishly working to finish up) You'd better get out there.  Your husband is talking to another woman.
Me:  First of all, I'm not married.  Second of all, so?
Her:  He's talking to another woman.  You have to get out there.
Me:  Why do I care if he's talking to another woman?
Her:  What?  You mean you want someone else to have to deal with him?
Me:  No, I mean we have one of those healthy relationships where I don't care if he talks to other people.

—The time she complained really loudly about our Canadian customers.  Within earshot of all our Canadian customers.  (Thanks for coming in.  And now it's once again safe to return.)

—The time she complained really loudly about every other customer.  Within earshot of every other customer.  Seriously.

—This conversation:

Her:  I need sleep pants.
Me:  (pointing) I have a box of them over there.

The AssMan then proceeds to dig through the boxes right next to me, not the box I indicated.  This brings my productivity to a screeching halt.

Me:  What are you doing?
Her:  Looking for men's sleep pants.
Me:  In a box labeled 'women's outerwear'?
Her:  Well, what box are they in?
Me:  Personally, I'd try the one labeled 'men's sleep pants' if I were you.
Her:  (laughing) Oh.  Am I annoying you today?
Me:  It's adorable how you think it's just today.

—The time she wanted to write me up because I had a bad attitude because I didn't go on my lunch break when she told me to because I was in the middle of helping a group of (Canadian) customers.  (She never did write me up.  Must've been my 'go ahead, make my day' expression when she told me)

—The time she gave me a hard time for putting the overflow of women's jeans on a shelf located directly across from the rest of the women's jeans.  I apologized for having put them in plain sight and promise to hide them better the next time.

—The time she called and begged to me come in on my day off and then when I got there, looked at me and said, "What are you doing here?"

—And last but not least, these haiku:
I do remember
how a hanger works, but thanks
for the refresher.

Yes, that last haiku
was chock full of sarcasm.
So glad you noticed.

Good bye, AssMan.  We hardly knew ye.  Well, that's not true.  You did tell us waaaaaaaay too many personal things about yourself.  They're called 'personal boundaries', AssMan.  You should check into them.

I work with her replacement for the first time today.  He's a guy whose name  I don't remember.  I'm pretty sure it starts with a P so I'll just call him that.  I'm curious to find out what P will be like.  I'm sure we'll get along just fine.  Just as long as he doesn't try to tell me what to do.

Here's hoping they covered that in orientation...


  1. I think there's an AssMan in everyone's life. Sometimes we're related to them. Good luck breaking in the new boss. :)

    1. Thanks... I like to think anyone would be easier than the last one but I might have just jinxed myself.

  2. LOL! Really, really loud! OMG! I think you've inspired me to write my own post. But seriously, I'm beginning to believe the criteria for management is MORONS must inquire only.

    Hugs and chocolate,

    1. I'd like to disagree with that moron thing because there was a time when I worked in management...

  3. Talking to a woman!!! Lol. Love that! And such a great response.

    1. It turned out the woman he was talking to was one of his co-workers. We all had a good laugh afterward.

  4. Glad to here you don't have to be bothered any more!

    1. Me too. It was a very strange day. I hope we all adjust.

  5. They brought in an a new one from outside your store? That's worse than TRU. I mean, they do that with managers, but for assistants they, at least, promoted from within.

    Did you really say that about being adorable? Because that's awesome! Full of awesome, even.

    1. The Store is not opposed to promoting from within but no one wanted the job so they had to look for victims elsewhere.

      And yeah, I really did say that adorable bit. The AssMan found it to be less adorable than I did...

  6. I like the title "ass man". Let's hope they never find your blog and realize all the sh*t you been talkin' about them behind their back.

  7. I'm torn between hoping you have a good boss or one who will provide more entertainment for your followers.

  8. I hope the new assistant manager is better than the old one. Though your blog posts were definitely entertaining. :)

  9. Of course, if you get a good one, then that asst. mgr won't last. At least, that's how it worked in my retail job. The good ones lasted a year. The awful ones stuck around much longer.

  10. *Sigh* Good times. I remember just about all of those AssMan greatest hits. I will miss her fodder here.

    Nice tribute!

  11. Aww man, on the one hand I hope her replacement is better skilled and less of a fool, but on the other I kind of hope these posts keep going :)

  12. Here's hoping P doesn't suck as much as AssMan!

  13. i pictured a slo mo montage in honor or the departure =)
    you would have loved it. like the office.

  14. Everyone has an Assman somewhere in their lives.

  15. "It's adorable how you think it's just today." ROTFL!

    Dude, kudos to you for keeping it together while you had to deal with her. Hope P provides good blogging material for being le awesome instead of le suck.
    Some Dark Romantic

  16. Oh my. Kudos to you for surviving...and for giving me the laugh of the morning with this tribute. I think we've all experienced someone like this.

    Vision of Other Worlds