Monday, September 12, 2011

Go-To Girl

Things at The Store have become very interesting.

What's that? You'd like me to define interesting?

Sure. But in order to do so properly, I'll have to turn the floor over to my laconic flight school buddy (yes, I was there that day), Hoban "Wash" Washburne.

(I know you know what's coming next...)

Yes, that's right. The Store is experiencing some turbulence and then we all may explode. But I don't wanna explode because if I die in The Store, I really will be pissed.

But that's neither here not there because the real reason things have become so gorram (sorry, I really on a Firefly kick today. More than usual even) interesting is that I have suddenly become the Go-To Girl.

(Pause for laughter)

Why have I become the Go-To Girl? Well, I'll tell you.

The AssMan is in the throes of some sort of nervous breakdown. I'd do another 'pause for laughter' thing here but that just seems mean because although I am not very fond of her, I suppose there is the possibility that she's legitimately experiencing some sort of mental health crisis. Not everyone on staff, however, is willing to grant her the benefit of the doubt. The general consensus among the rest of the staff is that AssMan may not be suffering from a nervous breakdown so much as she's just looking to enjoy a nice paid month off from work.

I was just looking to enjoy a nice unpaid week off from work but because she's on the injured reserve list (gee, I wonder how many more metaphors I can mix into this thing), the rest of us are stuck picking up the slack. And by 'the rest of us', I mostly mean me because I was tapped to come in and keep The Store afloat.

I was supposed to work a grand total of three hours last week before enjoying my own vacation (well, vacation is relative. I'd planning to spend the time playing with the dogs and working on a massive Effigy edit) but before I could get out and get away, I was cornered by the SM (store manager) and fed a sob story about how badly she needed me this week because the AssMan was out (perhaps indefinitely...her words) and the fall line was coming in and she herself was supposed to be going on vacation (to Vegas) and a giant meteor was hurdling through space, headed right for us and— Oh wait. Maybe not that last one but the rest of them were true enough.

And so instead of having a week off, I worked all last week. And I do mean all last week. The good news is that I will have a happy, shiny paycheck to take with me to the Ren Faire this coming weekend. It still won't be enough to score me a sweet double bladed battle axe (my kingdom for a sweet double bladed battle axe) but it'll certainly buy me a yard or two of beer (Huzzah!).

And I suppose the even better news is that with the AssMan's absence, the staff isn't as cranky or as on the defensive as they normally are. There's actual communication happening between people that doesn't involve rude hand gestures or under the breath muttering. Of course, I've spent the majority of my shifts alone in the stockroom wading my way through a sea of cardboard and ruffle henley shirts (the fall line is apparently all about the ruffle henley) but I haven't had to listen to a endless monologue of misery from every passing employee.

That in itself is cause for celebration.

I did tell the SM that in exchange for my sacrifice, I would require the rest of the year off. Once she finished laughing (it took a while) and said no (or was it 'Hell No'?), she told me she'd go to the Venetian hotel in Vegas and steal me some pens. The thought made me sit and beg like a puppy looking for a cookie.

I am perhaps too easy.

But at least I'll have some new pens.


Oh, and one last thing—

Thanks to everyone who came out and commented on my first Insecure Writer post. It was incredibly kind of you to take the time to do so. I am really very sorry I didn't make it out to more of your blogs or get to respond to more the comments left on this blog. I hope to do better by you and for you the next time!


  1. Oh man I do not miss working in retail!

    Kudos to you for keeping your cool!

  2. I don't miss retail either. It always seems there's people who won't carry their share of the load.

  3. You win for most interesting work place. And for the awesome Firefly reference!
    Glad you got some encouraging words on your support group post. I was really impressed how everyone stepped up and supported one another.

  4. @Bonnie Rae and Susan- One day I hope to be able to say that I do not miss working in retail.

    @Alex- Last Wednesday was great. I hope everyone got something out of it.

  5. EVERY writer is insecure.

    Also - amazing what happens when you remove ONE person from a tense work situation, isn't it?

  6. I'm a sucker for a good pen. I think a lot of people are. It's why drug companies took over modern health care with shiny trinkets. Enjoy your yard o' beer, you've earned it!

  7. I read the entire of that post before realising that AssMan meant Assistant Manager - I was thinking of some weird butt-faced superpowered avenger :p On the plus side, if you pull any more weeks like last week you'll be able to afford that battle axe in no time (and you're right, it is a sweet looking battle axe)

  8. I hope things get better. Enjoy your pens!

    <3 Gina Blechman

  9. New pens, dreams of battle axes and yards o' beer. Nice! All wrapped up with Firefly references. I'm set for the week!

    Good luck on the store front.

  10. @Jolene- It's always nice to know I'm not the only insecure writer out in the world. And you have no idea how nice work's been without the Assistant Manager around. I get a little sad when I think about her return.

    @Julie- I do have some nice pens from health care facilities and pharmaceutical whoiswhatits. I'll have to ponder that while enjoying my yard of beer.

    @Jamie- Yes, the AssMan has been a recurring character in this blog since she started working at the store. As she often acts like an ass, her position (and blog nickname) are pretty fitting. Thinking about her as a butt faced superpowered avenger is pretty damn amusing.

    @Gina- Thank you! I certainly will enjoy my pens. The Venetian pen are actually very nice. I just hope my boss doesn't forget.

    @Ava- I wrap everything in Firefly references. You should see the mess it makes on Christmas morning...

  11. First, love the Firefly references. Wash lives!

    Second, I can't decide if this stuff with your job is awesome or sucks, but I hope the pens are cool!

  12. @Karen- I can't decide either. I hope she doesn't forget the pens but I'm pretty sure she will.

  13. I am fortunate never to have worked in retail. I think it would drive me crazy! I hope you get your news pens... and your double head ax.

  14. I love a good Firefly reference, me. And I actually own that shirt! (The "Define Interesting" shirt).

    Maybe they're considering promoting you to AssMan? Would you consider something like that? Maybe you COULD afford the double bladed battle axe if they did?

    Which Ren Faire do you go to? I know you're sort of in my neck of the woods so I'm just wondering if it's the same one?

  15. Wait, what? You're the Go To Girl??? I love this universe.