Things at The Store have become very interesting.
What's that? You'd like me to define interesting?
Sure. But in order to do so properly, I'll have to turn the floor over to my laconic flight school buddy (yes, I was there that day), Hoban "Wash" Washburne.
(I know you know what's coming next...)
But that's neither here not there because the real reason things have become so gorram (sorry, I really on a Firefly kick today. More than usual even) interesting is that I have suddenly become the Go-To Girl.
(Pause for laughter)
Why have I become the Go-To Girl? Well, I'll tell you.
The AssMan is in the throes of some sort of nervous breakdown. I'd do another 'pause for laughter' thing here but that just seems mean because although I am not very fond of her, I suppose there is the possibility that she's legitimately experiencing some sort of mental health crisis. Not everyone on staff, however, is willing to grant her the benefit of the doubt. The general consensus among the rest of the staff is that AssMan may not be suffering from a nervous breakdown so much as she's just looking to enjoy a nice paid month off from work.
I was just looking to enjoy a nice unpaid week off from work but because she's on the injured reserve list (gee, I wonder how many more metaphors I can mix into this thing), the rest of us are stuck picking up the slack. And by 'the rest of us', I mostly mean me because I was tapped to come in and keep The Store afloat.
I was supposed to work a grand total of three hours last week before enjoying my own vacation (well, vacation is relative. I'd planning to spend the time playing with the dogs and working on a massive Effigy edit) but before I could get out and get away, I was cornered by the SM (store manager) and fed a sob story about how badly she needed me this week because the AssMan was out (perhaps indefinitely...her words) and the fall line was coming in and she herself was supposed to be going on vacation (to Vegas) and a giant meteor was hurdling through space, headed right for us and— Oh wait. Maybe not that last one but the rest of them were true enough.
And so instead of having a week off, I worked all last week. And I do mean all last week. The good news is that I will have a happy, shiny paycheck to take with me to the Ren Faire this coming weekend. It still won't be enough to score me a sweet double bladed battle axe (my kingdom for a sweet double bladed battle axe) but it'll certainly buy me a yard or two of beer (Huzzah!).
And I suppose the even better news is that with the AssMan's absence, the staff isn't as cranky or as on the defensive as they normally are. There's actual communication happening between people that doesn't involve rude hand gestures or under the breath muttering. Of course, I've spent the majority of my shifts alone in the stockroom wading my way through a sea of cardboard and ruffle henley shirts (the fall line is apparently all about the ruffle henley) but I haven't had to listen to a endless monologue of misery from every passing employee.
That in itself is cause for celebration.
I did tell the SM that in exchange for my sacrifice, I would require the rest of the year off. Once she finished laughing (it took a while) and said no (or was it 'Hell No'?), she told me she'd go to the Venetian hotel in Vegas and steal me some pens. The thought made me sit and beg like a puppy looking for a cookie.
I am perhaps too easy.
But at least I'll have some new pens.