Friday, April 29, 2011

You Might Be A Writer If...

Yep. I've posted this one before. But most of you haven't read it so I'm feeling okay about it. But look, I've got a lot going on today. I've got a royal wedding to watch and a manuscript to prep for my newest CP. That's right. I have a new CP. Given what happened with the last one, the thought of a new one fills me with equal parts glee and terror. Well, right now it's probably more sixty/forty in favor of terror but that's all right. I have a horoscope that tells me that I should show my work to a wide variety of people because it'll lead to overwhelmingly positive feedback. And that's already happened here on My Pet Blog. I have the very best readers ever. Thanks for stopping by and commenting as frequently as you have. I appreciate it.

So anyway, moving on, today's post comes from an article printed in the January 2011 edition of The Writer magazine. It's written by Lisa Shearin and is entitled "You Might Be A Writer If..." It's a take off on Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck If..." routine. I personally find it to be very true and very very funny. Not all of the following apply to me but most of them do. What about you?
1. You keep a pen and pad of paper next to your bed- and the stove, and the couch, and the dining room table, and the toilet and the…

2. You have a favorite punctuation mark.

3. You’ve been known to argue with someone on the usage difference between en and em dashes.

4. You’re completely and utterly addicted to fountain pens. You have more bottles and colors of ink that you have pens, and use this as an excuse to buy more pens.

5. You get caught up in plotting your next scene and put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry.

6. The salespeople at the local Staples know you.

7. While in Staples, you should never be left unchaperoned in the briefcase aisle. (One briefcase is never enough.)

8. The stacks of your old manuscripts and rejection letters officially constitute a fire hazard.

9. You desperately want Crayola bathtub markers, so you can write down the great dialogue that comes to you in the shower.

10. All you want for your birthday are more fountain pens and journals.

11. You don’t take medication to quiet the voices in your head, but you get paid to write down what the voices say.

12. If you didn’t have book contract, you’d be writing anyway.

13. You just know you’re on an FBI list of people to watch because of the books you’ve ordered: books on poisons, how to dispose of a body, government conspiracies, secret societies, planning the perfect crime, espionage secrets…

14. Your surgeon orders your glasses taken away before you’ve finished memorizing the operating room for a scene in your next book.

15. When you’re not writing, you get this persistent twitch in your left eyelid.

16. You proofread your tweets and text messages before sending.

17. You take more writing paraphernalia on vacation than you do clothes- and don’t mind if it rains.

18. You’re talking to a real, living, breathing person and suddenly stop because one of your characters interrupted you.

19. You think sleep is way overrated. Who needs more than three hours, anyway?

20. Your novels are backed up on your laptop, your netbook, your husband’s computer, two thumb drives- and you’re seriously toying with the idea of getting a safe-deposit box.

21. You don’t mind extra-long waits at the doctor’s office, because it gives you more time to write.

22. And, finally, you know you’re a writer if you look at yourself and see a writer. Everyone else looks at you and sees an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive insomniac with a pen fetish.

Before I go, I just need to post one more Y related thing. The Man was very excited about the Y post today because of this song. So in honor of all the nice things he does for me, and all the bitchy writer crap he puts up with, I'd like to post this video:


  1. Hahaha, I love that! And I fit that!
    Great post!
    As you can see, !!!!!!! is my favorite punctuation mark :)

  2. I love a good ellipsis as well...

    Loved this post! Very entertaining! I'm glad you reposted it since I never would have seen it otherwise.

  3. LOL! Those are hilarious! #19, 20, 21 are SO totally me!!!

  4. For me #11 is the best. Being in the psychology field this is very funny for me.

  5. awesome...i totally asked for journals for my b-day!

  6. I don't have a favorite punctuation mark. What does that mean?

  7. Stopping by via A to Z. Great list! Thanks for sharing.

  8. That's so funny and yet so true. I'm still trying to find ways to write in the shower and while doing dishes.

  9. Such a funny list! I especially loved one of your characters interrupting your conversation, LOL.

  10. Haha, that is very funny. I've never seen that list before but am totally guilty of many (most) of them.

    I’m A-Z Blogging on Langley Writes about Writing and Langley’s Rich and Random Life

  11. My favorite punctuation used to be parentheses (but I'm using them less and less the more I write fiction). Now, I'm not sure, but it might just be... the interrobang?!

  12. hahaha I can relate to the majority of those points. Scary...

  13. I wish number 11 was true!

    My Man loves that your Man put Rush on your blog. We love us some Rush here.

    Great list and even better song!

  14. LMAO!! I fit 99 percent of these. Though I have to admit I never thought about the Crayola bathtub markers. Hmmm...

  15. Love this post! I'm about halfway there, I think. :)

    Marie at the Cheetah