Sunday, February 6, 2011

Mega Python Versus Gatoroid Drinking Game

I don't know if you've ever seen the SyFy channel's original movies but they are terrible. Bad writing, bad acting, bad special effects. And, for whatever reason, I can't stop watching them. Neither can anyone else evidently, judging by how damn popular these horrible movies have become.

The latest offering from the brain trust at the SyFy original movie office stars 80's pop stars Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Both ladies have starred in previous SyFy movies but, as far as I know anyway, this is their first time sharing the SyFy spotlight. When Heather and I heard this, we knew what we would have to do.

Create a drinking game.

So, without having seen the movie, we devised fifteen criteria for taking a shot or taking a drink (and added two more after about the first ten minutes of the movie). We debated on whether we should do some kind of shots or just take a drink of some alcoholic beverage (Joe stuck with beer and wants it documented how much he wasn't playing this game.). We ultimately decided upon just taking a drink. This turned out to be a good decision (see, I am capable of it!) as we were pretty buzzed by the end of the movie without doing shots. We leave the choice up to you but please, please, please, play responsibly.

And now, here is, for your pleasure, the Mega Python Versus Gatoroid Drinking Game. Have fun...

The Mega Python Versus Gatoroid Drinking Game

(Please play responsibly)

Take a drink/shot when:

1. Lyrics from either singer's songbook are used as dialogue (i.e. "I think we're alone now" or "I just can't shake your love")

2. Footage of CGI snake and/or gator slithering/crawling is repeated. Oh hell, just take a drink any time any footage is repeated

3. One calls the other a bitch

4. A cat fight breaks out, featuring actual fighting cats or Tiffany and Debbie Gibson pulling hair

5. A man holds back one of the leading ladies

6. Any time an actor screams for whatever reason

7. Any time the gatoroid or python eats someone (it is all right to take just one drink/shot when the monsters attack a group or, in the case of this movie, swallow an Amtrack train. Unless you want to get especially shitfaced. Then have at it.)

8. Any time an actor says either 'mega python' or 'gatoroid'

9. If either Tiffany or Debbie Gibson play a scientist

10. If Miami is threatened by either creature

11. A building is destroyed

12. Any time a character gets out of a vehicle

13. Any time a character uses any salutation

14. Any time a character suggests any branch of the armed forces (navy, air force, army, national guard, coast guard, etc.) be called in

15. If a virus kills either monster

The next two are additions we made within the first ten minutes of the viewing of the movie:

16. Any time Heather says, "Really?" in a complete derisive kind of way as though she expected more reality from a movie called "Mega Python Versus Gatoroid"

17. A bodiless snake head attacks something or someone (the movie was not very good about concealing its foreshadowing).

So without giving away any of the oh so awesomely bad plot, I can tell you that this is a pretty effective game. You can get very drunk off numbers two and three alone. The salutation one (added when Joe was making fun of us about what we were putting on the list) is a complete dud as is number eight, which I find surprising as the damn movie's called "Mega Python Versus Gatoroid" but whatever... it's still cheesy good fun.

I'm not sure what our next drinking game will be (I know we talked about this at breakfast, Heather, but I can't remember what it was) but I'm sure it'll be awesome.

(warning: the following video contains images of CGI mega pythons and Gatoroids as well as the word 'bitch' and Tiffany's breasts about to pop out of her dress. Proceed with caution.)

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