Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Scenes From The Rest of the Weekend

So, it's Tuesday and I have been rewarded with a day off which I have been spending doing laundry and dishes and trying to get caught up on my NaNoWriMo project (at my current rate of production, I shall be finished with my project on December 6th.) But first, I really wanted to share with you the rest of the holiday weekend's highlights...

Engaging the Customer...Always My First Mistake...

Me: Are you finding everything all right?

Her: I'm disappointed in you today.

Me: I'm sorry but have we ever met?

Her: Your sale isn't very good.

Me: I kind of feel like pointing out that it's not actually my sale.

Her: This sale isn't even worth getting out of my car for.

Me: Well, thanks for getting out of your car to let me know that this sale isn't worth getting out of your car for.

Her: I mean, nothing's on sale.

Me: Actually, everything's on sale. That's why we call it the 'everything's on sale' sale.

Her: There are some big buys in this mall this weekend but not here.

Me: I'm sorry?

Her: I'm a local so I'll be back-

Me: Won't that be nice.

Her: So you let me know when you're ready to move some product.

Me: I can think of a place to put some right now.

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Enjoy your day.

Working With The AssMan...Always My Second Mistake...

Joe came into The Store on Sunday as it was a bonus discount day for employees and I wanted him to look around and see if there was anything he wanted. If you're wondering how insane the AssMan is, well, let's just say that you probably won't wonder that after read this next segment.

Her: (coming out to the stockroom where I am feverishly working to finish up and get the frak out of there) You'd better get out there. Your husband is talking to another woman.

Me: So?

Her: So he's talking to another woman! You have to get out there and stop it.

Me: Why? He can talk to another woman if he wants.

Her: Oh, so you want someone else to deal with him.

Me: What? No. We just have one of those healthy relationships where we can talk to other people without fear of retribution. I don't care if he talks to another woman. He can talk to whoever the hell he wants to.

Her: (shaking her head) You'd better get out there.

(the other woman, by the way, was one of his co-workers and all three of us had a good laugh at the AssMan's expense.)

Seriously, AssMan. Whatever is Wrong With You is No Little Thing...

This next bit is from Monday which, technically, isn't a part of the weekend, I know, but I always think of Mondays after a holiday weekend as part of the weekend as we're out straight trying to recover from the deluge of customers. We seriously had a ton of people in the store and it looked it. The AssMan helped out by doing the least amount of work possible while, in the process, feeling the need to steal my one and only empty bin (a big bucket on wheels into which I put product...a vital piece of equipment for stock people this time of year) when I was busy elsewhere.

Her: I need sleep pants.

Me: (pointing) I have a box of them over there.

The AssMan then proceeds to dig through the boxes right next to me, bringing my productivity to a screeching halt.

Me: What are you doing? What do you want?

Her: I'm looking for men's sleep pants.

Me: In a box labeled 'Women's Outwear'?

Her: Well, what box are they in?

Me: Personally, I'd try the box labeled 'Men's Sleep Pants.'

Her: (laughing) Oh. Am I annoying you today?

Me: It's adorable how you think it's just today. And yes, you are annoying me.

The AssMan went out of her way to suck up to me for the rest of the day. So I guess it wasn't all bad. And I don't have to go back to The Store until tomorrow. And THEN, THEN, I have two days off in a row so that I can happily attend the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Honestly, I think if I didn't have to work on Wednesday, I'd be sitting in the theater right now.

Anyway, I've got to get back to the housework and NaNoWriMo. If I want to get caught up, I need to write 3,652 words. They, unfortunately, will not write themselves. But it would be sweet if they did.


  1. ha ha ha. oh this brought back some memories. especially the engaging the customer part. why do customers always think that you have some kind of control over the sale? and why do they think that their opinions about said sale matter to anyone? and why do they think that you care if/when they come back? heads up customers, if it aint you coming in the store it will be some other giant tool, so dont think so highly of yourself.

    everytime i read your retail horror stories it reminds me that ive been meaning to mention this to you:

    i used to work at a shoe store in florida that would get a lot of hispanic customers. i once had this one older fellow come in and he was real old school, conservative spanish-i.e. a womans place is in the home, etc. anyway, i was the manager on duty and i had a male part timer in the back running stock. i start chatting with the guy and he asks some questions about a specific brand, which i answer. at this point, my part timer comes out and the spanish guy goes over to him and asks him the same questions i had just answered. i politely asked the man why he did that and he said "oh i just thought he would know more since he's a man. he is the one in charge right and youre just the assistant?" OH MY GOD. i wanted to pummel him with every shoe in the store. and then he went on to say how his wife is in charge of the home and does all the work there, etc.....

    oh, and OF COURSE he didnt buy anything.

  2. Yeah, I had a guy like that once back when I was a manager. He wanted some discount on some jacket when he couldn't get it, he said to me "That's why women can't be managers." I might have thrown a hanger at him then but you can't prove it...