Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Here We Go Again...

I am being once again stalked by Classic Trains magazine. I don't know why they just can't take a hint but they really can't. Every day, I am receiving something in the mail from them, something designed to entice me to renew my subscription with them.

Slight problem with that, though.

I never had a damn subscription with them in the first place.

Not that I have anything against trains though, because I don't. I do have something against magazine companies that just can't take NO for an answer. And these people can't. No matter how many times I contact them and ask them to remove me from their mailing list, or how many times I just flat out ignore them, they just keep coming and coming and coming.

Kind of like a Jehovah's Witness or the democratic party during the New Hampshire primary season. But, unlike those two particular groups, Classic Trains magazine is not the least bit intimidated by my abnormally large German Shepherd.


So I am going to post, once again, the letter I first posted here back February of 2009.

Dear Classic Trains Magazine,

Please, please, please stop sending me renewal notices telling me that my subscription is in danger of running out. I do not care if my subscription is running out. Mostly because I do not have a subscription to your magazine. This, I realize, has not seemed to discourage you from sending me your magazine on a regular basis.

I thought this would have been taken care of last November when I first received a subscription renewal notice. The November issue would be my last, you threatened, if I did not send in payment. I did not send in payment and yet, and yet, another magazine appeared in my mail the following month. And the month after that. And the one after that.

I do not want your magazine. No offense. I think trains are swell. I think trains are great. When I’m stuck waiting for the Conway Scenic Railroad trains to pass, I wait patiently. I even wave to the people waving at me. I rode a train to New York City once. It was fun.

But I do not want your magazine. Nor do I want the special commemorative coin commemorating your magazine. Nor do I want the Classic Trains DVD series. Nor do I want the special commemorative coin commemorating the Classic Trains DVD series. I also do not want the Classic Model Trains magazine nor the Classic Trains catalog. If there is a special commemorative coin commemorating either the model trains or the catalog, I don’t want that either.

So, please, let’s stop the insanity. You’re getting to be as bad as Guidepost magazine who awarded me a one year subscription back in 1994 that didn’t run out for about ten years. Let me be very clear on this: I do not want your magazine for the next ten years. I do not even want the magazine for the next ten months, weeks, or days. One issue was a fluke, the second was funny, now you’re just stalking me. Please stop.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.




  1. Ok, I'll fess up. I didn't know that Jake's original quote wasn't right. Jake just blurted out that he'd gotten it wrong as he was about to drift off to sleep...

  2. Maybe you should sic the Classic Trains people on the Jehovah's Witnesses for a battle royale. Then the winner can fight the NH Democratic party in a steel cage match to the death. Winner gets a commemorative coin, of course.