Friday, February 19, 2010

Confession

Last October, I sent out a submission packet or novel package or whatever you want to call it. They wanted to read a cover letter, 3-10 paged synopsis and the first three chapters, or the first 10,000 words, whichever came first. For me, it was the first 10,000 words. The given response time was four to six months. So I sent it out. And waited.

I only told a handful of people when I sent it out because, as much as I love my circle of friends and family (and love them I really, really do), I didn't want them to know because I didn't want to have to spent the next four to six months being asked about it and, when the response came, didn't want to have to disappoint anyone by saying (over and over again, nonetheless) that I'd received yet another rejection.

I do not want to let these people down. They believe in me, maybe even more (well, some days definitely more) than I believe in me. They support me every step of the way, deal with every crazy question and mood swing...they're everything.

And I'm failing them. It kind of sucks. Disappointing myself is one thing. Disappointing others is something else entirely.

Rejection, I know, is part of the process. Believe me, I know. It's a vast, huge, seemingly never ending part of the process. It's also, unfortunately, the only part of the process with which I am familiar.

As you may have guessed, the response came back today. I pulled it out of my box and, all of a sudden, felt like there was an elephant taking up residence on my chest. The moment of truth. I thought about not opening it for a while but figured it was better to deal with it like a band-aid. Just rip it off and wince.

My project wasn't quite right for them at this time.

Figures.

So now I'm on to Plan B which involves maybe just a little bit of moping but also the building of another submission packet and another long wait. This will all be started on Monday (with the exception of the moping...I may have started that part already) provided I can afford the new ink cartridge needed for my printer. If not, I'll have to wait a week but that'll just give me more time to obsess over the submission packet some more (because I haven't done that enough already) and wonder just what it is I'm doing wrong.

How's that song go? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again?

Second verse.

1 comment:

  1. Second verse, same as the first. Keep at it. Don't let outside pressures buckle you. Ultimately it's all about you and what you can do and what you want. Don't lose sight of YOUR goals and what motivates you to do this.

    Have some chocolate and jump back in the saddle.

    ~cliche woman

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