Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Gloves Come Off


Remember in my last post where I said my hatchback was leaking, which was a point of discontent with me because I had paid (according to the invoice I received after my $1800 oil change) $47.50 to have the leak fixed?

Well, I worked through my frustration and outright anger at Asswipe Scott, who had told me my window was repaired and wouldn't leak anymore because things do happen and all things considered, it was a relatively minor thing, so it was with mild irritation and not extreme bitchery that I called Asswipe Scott on Monday morning to report my still leaking hatchback.

"I'd like to schedule another appointment," I said. "To have the problem actually fixed this time."

So Asswipe Scott made an appointment for me. For Wednesday morning. He didn't seem overly thrilled but, as I was even less thrilled, I didn't care.

A little later on in the morning, just as I was pulling into the Wal-Mart parking lot, I received a call from Megan. Megan works at PAPE SUBARU and it is, as far as I can tell, her job to call clients who have had a recent service at the dealership to make sure they were satisfied with their visit. Megan, obviously, hadn't spoken to Asswipe Scott. I told Megan how, no, I wasn't particularly impressed by my visit but I had spoken with Asswipe Scott earlier that day and had an appointment scheduled for later in the week to fix the problem they had failed to fix the week before.

Megan looked over my service records and noted the repair cost $47.50.

"It shouldn't be a problem," she said. "As far as payment goes."

"I'm sorry," I interrupted. "Surely you're not suggesting I pay another $47.50 to have fixed a problem I already paid $47.50 to have fixed."

"Uh," Megan said, sounding a little unsure. "No?"

"Because I already paid $47.50 to have the leak repaired and Asswipe Scott assured me that the leak was repaired and since there was a puddle in the back of my car this weekend, the leak has evidently not been repaired."

"Right," Megan said.

"And I am not interested in shelling out another $47.50 for a problem that should have already been fixed. I mean, it's been three days since Asswipe Scott told me the leak was fixed. Days. Not weeks, not months, not years. Days."

"Uh huh," Megan said. "Well, it shouldn't be a problem."

"Shouldn't or won't be a problem?" I asked. "Because there's a big difference and if I have to drive two hours to get down there and then fight with Asswipe Scott over whether or not I owe him more money, I will be even less happy than I am at this moment."

Megan was quiet then. I can only imagine she was imagining me less happy than I was at that moment.

"If there's a problem, you can ask for me," she said finally. "I'll be upstairs. Or you can talk to the Service Manager. Or you can talk to him now."

"I'll talk to him now," I said.

"Let me see if he's available," Megan said. "Hold on."

She put me on hold. Then I imagined she was telling Service Manager Idiot Kris he really didn't want to talk to me but eventually I was transferred to Idiot Kris.

"Did Megan tell you why I asked to speak to you?" I asked.

"Yes," Idiot Kris said. "I'm just looking over your service records now."

"I'm not paying another $47.50," I said. "How about your guys actually fix the problem this time and we call it even?"

"Yeah," Idiot Kris said. "Here's the thing-"

"Oh, there's a thing," I said. "I love it when there's a thing."

It's possible I was being minutely sarcastic.

"The window needs to be resealed."


Idiot Kris was quiet for a moment. I can only imagine he was thinking how much easier and/or quicker the conversation would progress if I stopped being minutely sarcastic at every given opportunity.

"That's a repair we don't do here," Idiot Kris said. "You have to take the window off and reseal it and we don't do that here. You'd have to go to Portland Glass or something."

Now I was quiet.

"You don't do that there?" I asked.


"Well, that's interesting because right on my invoice it states how the glass was resealed."

"I know," Idiot Kris said. "That's a mistake."

"You think?" I asked. "So tell me, Idiot Kris, are you in the habit of charging your clients for repairs you do not do? I mean, do you actually repair left head gaskets because I was told you did and was charged for that repair but then again, I was also told you fixed the leak in my hatchback only to find out how you don't do that there."

"I can refund that charge."

"You do that," I said. "And while you're at it, why don't you cancel my appointment for Wednesday?"

"I can do that too," Idiot Kris said.

"See that you do," I said.

And then hung up.

So what's the deal, PAPE SUBARU, you bunch of incompetent immoral bastards? Is it a woman thing? Did you think that because I have ovaries you could pull a fast one on me or something? Were you just hoping it wouldn't rain long enough for me to forget that you told me my hatchback wouldn't leak anymore?


Needless to say, I am over the Subaru experience. I know there are people out there who have had fantastic experiences with their own Subarus but I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I am a Toyota girl, through and through.

Just as soon as I get rid of my Piece of Shit Outback. Shit...it's what makes a Subaru a Subaru.

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