Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Scenes From An Afternoon or Reasons Why I Have Dogs

If you read my new pen entry, you would've read the part about how I picked up my niece, Jupiter (my sister's really into the solar system...), from preschool this past Friday. Here are some selected scenes from our afternoon together:

Scene One: Setting: Preschool

Enter Melissa who stands in the classroom door, waiting patiently for the group song "The Buggy-Wuggy" (sung to the tune of "The Hokey Pokey") to conclude. The teacher, whose name Melissa does not know, looks up, smiles and waves. Melissa waves back. The song suddenly ends.

Teacher: Jupiter, is that your special friend standing in the doorway?

Jupiter looks. It is indeed her special friend standing in the doorway. Jupiter waves. Melissa waves back.

Teacher: Well, go get her, Jupiter, and bring her back to the circle.

Melissa tries to look excited at this prospect. Jupiter springs up and runs the length of the room to bring Melissa back to the circle of preschoolers. Jupiter introduces Melissa to all her classmates. Then Teacher starts up with the whole "Buggy Wuggy" thing again.

Teacher: What else does a bug have?

Kid 1 (whose name I do not remember): Wings!

The song goes like this: You put your wings in. You put your wings out. You put your wings in and you shake 'em all about. You do the buggy-wuggy and you turn yourself around. That's what's it's all about!

Melissa does the Buggy-Wuggy.

Teacher: What else does a bug have?

Kid 2 (whose name I also do not remember): Legs!

Melissa does the Buggy-Wuggy. Again.


Scene 2: Setting: Dairy Queen

Melissa and Jupiter have just successfully ordered their lunch and sit at a table of Jupiter's selection in order to eat.

Jupiter: I want a cone.

Melissa: You have to eat more of your hamburger first.

Jupiter: (taking a bite) Do you see that car in the drive thru?

Melissa turns around so she can see the car in the drive thru. It's a jeep with the top off because it's ninety degrees outside. It's about forty inside but mostly because Jupiter selected a table located directly underneath the a/c vent.

Melissa: Yep.

Jupiter: Why don't jeeps have roofs or doors?

Melissa: They do.

Jupiter: No, they don't.

Melissa: They do. You can take the roof off a jeep. And, for the most part, they have little teeny tiny doors, but they're still doors.

Jupiter contemplates this. As she does so, she takes another bite of burger and then reaches for Melissa.

Melissa: Did you just touch me with ketchup hands? Yuck. Don't touch me with your ketchup hands.

Jupiter laughs and sprays partially chewed up pickle on Melissa's arm. Melissa makes very discrete gagging noises. Jupiter decides this is a fun game and goes for Melissa's stomach next. Melissa jerks out of the way.

Melissa: I don't think so.

Jupiter: I'm cold.

Melissa: That's because you picked a seat under the a/c vent. Want to move?

Jupiter: No, I want ice cream.

Melissa: Because that'll warm you up.

Jupiter: (completely missing the minute sarcasm) Yes. I want one of those.

She is pointing to a picture of the kids' meal bag. It's a Dilly Bar.

Melissa: You want a Dilly Bar?

Jupiter: Yes.

Melissa: Fine. Have a little more of your hamburger and you can.

Jupiter takes a minuscule bite of her hamburger.

Melissa: What do you want to do this afternoon?

Jupiter: Get ice cream.

Melissa: Yes, I know. I meant after the ice cream.

Jupiter: We're going to swim in my pool.

Melissa: Are we?

Jupiter: Yeah. Did you bring your bathing suit?

Melissa: No. I didn't know the pool was set up.

Jupiter: Well, you'll just have to borrow one of Auntie B's.

Melissa: Can't I just wade?

Jupiter: Wave?

Melissa: No, wade.

Jupiter: Wave?

Melissa: No, wade. Duh (as in the making of a 'd' sound...Melissa is NOT mocking her niece...this time.). With a D. You know, when you walk around in water.

Jupiter: Oh.

Melissa: That's wading.

Jupiter: Oh. You can wave while you wade.

Melissa: (laughing) Yeah, I can.

Jupiter: I want chocolate and vanilla and sprinkles.

Melissa: In a cone?

Jupiter: Yes.

Melissa: Fine. Chocolate or rainbow jimmies?

Jupiter: What?

Melissa: Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

Jupiter: Rainbow.

A man enters the dining area with a dipped cone. Jupiter sees it. Melissa can predict where this is going to go.

Jupiter: I want one of those.

Melissa: (is beyond caring) Fine. Eat one more normal sized bite of your burger and you can.

Jupiter complies. She even eats two more normal sized bites. Since 98% of the burger is now gone, Melissa agrees to the ice cream. They go to the counter to place the order.

Jupiter: I want chocolate and vanilla and sprinkles.

Melissa: I thought you wanted a dipped cone.

Jupiter: I want chocolate and vanilla and sprinkles.

Melissa: You bet.

Jupiter changes her mind three more times before they place the order and once more while Melissa places the order. Melissa apologizes to the girl waiting on them. Jupiter decides on a half and half cone with rainbow sprinkles. And there was much rejoicing.


Scene Three: Setting: The pool on the back deck

Our dynamic duo has finally returned from town and have managed a successful bathroom trip and changing in the bathing suit and Melissa's mandatory cleaning of the pool water. Jupiter is preparing to get in. Melissa opts for a chair. Jupiter jumps out.

Jupiter: I'm going to the bathroom.

Melissa: Again?

Jupiter: Yes. I'll call you when I'm ready.

Melissa: (sinking suspicion) Ready? Ready for what?

Jupiter: For wiping.

Pause.

Melissa: Wiping?

Jupiter: Yes.

Pause.

Melissa: Really?

Jupiter: Yes.

Pause.

Melissa: As in your butt?

Jupiter: (totally mocking) Uh, yeah.

Jupiter runs into the house. Melissa watches her go, wondering if it's too late to run.

Melissa: No one told me I was gonna have to do that.

Then slowly, very slowly, Melissa gets up and walks into the house.

1 comment:

  1. haha, to funny! Sounds like you two make a good pair, lol. :)

    ReplyDelete