Dear Classic Trains Magazine,
Please, please, please stop sending me renewal notices telling me that my subscription is in danger of running out. I do not care if my subscription is running out. Mostly because I do not have a subscription to your magazine. This, I realize, has not seemed to discourage you from sending me your magazine on a regular basis.
I thought this would have been taken care of last November when I first received a subscription renewal notice. The November issue would be my last, you threatened, if I did not send in payment. I did not send in payment and yet, and yet, another magazine appeared in my mail the following month. And the month after that. And the one after that.
I do not want your magazine. No offense. I think trains are swell. I think trains are great. When I'm stuck waiting for the Conway Scenic Railroad trains to pass, I wait patiently. I even wave to the people waving at me. I rode a train to New York City once. It was fun.
But I do not want your magazine. Nor do I want the special commemorative coin commemorating your magazine. Nor do I want the Classic Trains DVD series. Nor do I want the special commemorative coin commemorating the Classic Trains DVD series. I also do not want the Classic Model Trains magazine nor the Classic Trains catalog. If there is a special commemorative coin commemorating either the model trains or the catalog, I don't want that either.
So, please, let's stop the insanity. You're getting to be as bad as Guidepost magazine who awarded me a one year subscription back in 1994 that didn't run out for about ten years. Let me be very clear on this: I do not want your magazine for the next ten years. I do not even want the magazine for the next ten months, weeks, or days. One issue was a fluke, the second was funny, now you're just stalking me. Please stop.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.